Wednesday, December 23, 2009

our own thing

one of things i love about family and christmas time is creating our own traditions and memories. i remember growing up and my brother and i would really get into decorating the christmas tree. i mean REALLY get into it. i mean we damn near over did it. so much so, that when we were teenagers and the 'feeling' had somewhat passed, we looked back at how we used to over decorate our tree and we actually likened to a hooker. we honestly had enough tinsel and mangled lights to make santa cuss.


one tradition we started is that out tree goes up dec. 1. ahem, well close to that anyway. when we decorate, our tree typically has all the decorations centralized at the bottom portion. this mainly is because our kids focus on this one area till we tell them to share the wealth. then we get tired of feeling 'bossy' so we let them do what they wish with the poor tree and then we rearrange after they've went to bed...well only somewhat because we also like the fact that all my son's decorations (ie cars, transformers, star wars etc) are sorta in one bunch. anyway, this is our tree as it stands now. actually there's tons of presents under there now, but this is how it looked within the first couple days of being put up...





kinda puny looking i know, but it does the trick and the kids have fun putting up all their stuff plus we have them make about 5 ornaments each out of laminated construction paper and a bunch of other add ons they choose from target. i also have my own ornaments i make sure go on there. again, you can completely see that this is NOT my parents tree. mainly because i have a pair of christmas dice on the tree. there's also some kinda nerdy stuff i like. i like star wars and have ornaments i chose myself.


these are some pics of the kids from a christmas party we went to the other night. of course my son cant take a 'regular' picture.


miss jadyn








miss kiera






mr sammy (actually wearing one of my ties)






all of them choosing their own tree to pose in front of





and last but not least, i SWEAR this is the actual christmas card we sent out to everyone. we almost paired this card with a 'normal' pic inside, but opted to stick with this doozie. so if you didnt get a card its probably bc i dont know you know you or because...ahem its in the mail ; )


MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE MORRIS'!!!




Wednesday, December 16, 2009

up to speed

i havent posted in quite some time so to catch yall up to speed and to post random rubbish...here goes nothing

we had a good thanksgiving. this year marked the second time my wife did the whole spread by herself. maybe not all that an amazing feat for all the martha stewarts out there, but my wife isnt exactly aunt jemima. i dont say that at all in a condescending manner either. i mean she can cook but just not all the exotic or extremely difficult type meals. again, i really dont trip or think less of her at all. i mean the kids like her and she's got a great bum, so i say thats 'even steven' ya know. anyway, the food was great and all 5 of us got stuffed. my kids and i ate a whole pecan pie in 2 days. at one point, in between one of my many food coma's, i started to wonder about thanksgiving and christmas dinners and why for some reason i find the tradition somewhat 'odd'. dont get me wrong i love to eat and the fellowship is great, but i started to wonder why cramming our faces and bellies is somehow the way to show 'thanks' and 'seasons greetings'? i dont know, maybe im rambling. after all, what doesnt say thankfulness and seasons greetings like merciless diarrhea and random naps??...

okay now i know im rambling...anyway, on to the random rubbish




1. two sayings i now find completely idiotic are: 'the customer is always right' and 'a mind is a terrible thing to waste.' the customer is right actually about a paltry 25% of the time and the latter is shattered by this gem...





this is its actual description:Your upper body is what makes you beautiful and appear to be fit or not. Yet, almost every home gym product in the last 25 years has only offered exercises targeting your abs, thighs and cardio vascular system. The SpringFlex changes everything!

Numerous repetitive stress injuries have been linked to sitting in front of a desk all day. Lower metabolism and increased weight gain have also been linked to a sedentary work day. But what if you could get a workout when you are just sitting at your desk?

Easily attach the SpringFlex to your desk, door or a similar surface. The SpringFlex lets you do over 120 exercises virtually anywhere at anytime.




i havent the slightest as to how this contraption even works. so where to start?? hmm lets start with the fact that this guy apparently has his shirt off while 'working out' at his office desk?? NUMEROUS repetitive stress injuries? c'mon now, to say there's numerous injuries by sitting at a desk is ridiculous. the item description ends by saying "Easily attach the SpringFlex to your desk, door or a similar surface. The SpringFlex lets you do over 120 exercises virtually anywhere at anytime"...120 exercises?? really? anytime? anywhere? okay smarty pants, can i do it in my car? can i do it in a red lobster? on a bus?




2. the fact that vests often cost more or equal to a whole jacket is silly. thats kinda like getting 4 cokes in a six pack and charging 10 bucks.



3. dont believe the hype. broccoli in ice cream isnt all that great. (dont ask. just shake your head in confusion)



4. i wonder if ancient egyptians really walked like the girls in the 'walk like an egyptian' video or as depicted in hieroglyphics?...like in everyday life.


5. how awkward is it when people ask your opinion about baby names and you say you dont like 'chester', but they later end up choosing it. so now, for forever, they know you dont like their sons name. probably more awkward for family members.


6. so why do movie critics critique kids movies? for whatever reason thats kinda creepy to me. i know some say its for the parents, but c'mon, when i go to the movies with the kids i watch the movie, but not in a critical way because ITS A KIDS MOVIE!


7. top hats and turtlenecks are easily the worst clothing inventions ever.


8. the other day we bought a media cabinet from pier 1. i was enthralled by the DO NOT DROP label on the side of the box. i mean who has to be reminded not to drop a box?? obviously the purchaser of the box doesnt need to be reminded because they know the content. the people at pier 1 SHOULD NOT be reminded for 2 reasons: they either (a) also know whats in the box or (b) dont know whats in the box which means they SHOULDNT drop it for that reason!...thanks captain obvious



9. did you know ramen noodles has an expiration date? i know, surprised the hell out of me too. my question is, what exactly would tip you off that they're even stale? thats the equivalent to putting an expiration date on styrofoam. dont they already seem stale?..."hey honey, can you check the date on the ramen noodles? yeah they taste a little less like congestive heart failure."


10. i doubt the r&b group 'tony toni tone' would have been as popular if their name was jeff

Saturday, December 5, 2009

not embarrassing at all...

the other day my computer crashed. we lost all our stinkin music, our stinkin photos, and every stankity stank thing we had on our compooper. and yes, it was a damn mac!

anyway, we ended up waiting a long as we could without a 'main computer' in the house hoping we could find someone who thought we could salvage the old one, but even then our laptop was on its last legs. at least my son isnt putting loose change in all the slots like its an expensive portable video game or something. anyway, we ended up getting a new computer the other day and my kids attacked it soon there after. my wife and i love the photobooth feature on it, basically because there are all kinds of crazy things you can do and apparently one of those crazy things is make a homemade video...no not that kind ya perv, the kind where kiddos play like their teenie bopper singers like demi lovato, miley cyrus, or members of some bubblegum band like the jonas brothers, none of which look alike mind you or the black eyed peas...wait black eyed peas?!...yup. my kids decided to make a 'video' of the song 'imma be' and they didnt even use the radio version the little boogers! sheesh




these are each of my kids to the T!!!!!

..also my kids absolutely dismantled and destroyed our room!! the box from the computer is still sitting right there with all that styrofoam crap dusted across our floor! i swear leave em alone for a couple days and look what happens!!!!

ahem, thats a joke.......




videos

Monday, November 30, 2009

IV

i re-posted the following because i started typing it one night and after one too many cups of egg nog, i was unable, unwilling, and too unhealthy to finish typing. so now that my cholesterol has returned to normal and i no longer dry heave when eggs or noggs(whatever that means) are mentioned i thought i'd put it back in order...




i have two of the sweetest daughters a father could have. i mean they are polite, attentive, funny, helpful, smart to name a few of their qualities. some mornings my 10 year old will have already made breakfast and took the dog out. yes, 10 years old. every report card they've had say something along the lines of 'kiera (my 10 year old) jadyn (my 7 year old) are a joy to have in class. they're respectful of the classroom rules and they always have their homework.' its like God took the best qualities from the mrs and me and made two spectacular little girls

i swear the room fills with bubbles and can smell flowers and cotton candy when i talk about them like this.

...but wait, i smell something else as well. (sniff sniff) it smells like someone put tobasco on the cotton candy?? the flowers are now trampled and smell of urine??...oh wait, its just my son pictured here...







as evidenced in this picture, he cant just take a regular picture. yup, lil sammy IV. he's the fourth and a one of a kind mind you. there is no such thing as a simple/quiet/serene/dull moment until he is tucked away in his bed. my daughters have the cutest most infectious laughs you could imagine. my son on the other hand, simply has the most infectious hands. im still doing the proper research, but i swear his dirty clothes hamper had something to do with the swine flu outbreak.

he's also into girls...already. i mean like we'll be at the mall and he'll double-take when he see's a pretty girl, young or old. he's 6 years old btw. while at a celtics game, whenever the cheerleaders took to the court, everyone else was obsolete. we've actually caught him undressing his sisters barbie dolls. he was 3 at the time.

the other day, we were all at a restaurant eating dinner when he said he had to go to the bathroom. so i escort him because i dont like him going on his own basically for two reasons: 1. who knows what creepy folks hang there. 2. i dont want my son sneaking a peek up some ladies skirt. at any rate, he has to "drop a deuce" as he actually calls it. ahem, which is partly my fault but i swear i dont know where he got the looking under dress thing!...i havent done that in years.

he walks in the stall and closes the door. no one else is there so all i can hear is water splashing and the soft tones of a 6 year old humming the black eyed peas hit 'imma be'. while i wait, i decide to play texas hold em poker on my phone. i wait i play. i play i wait when two teenagers walk in saying whatever nonsense teenagers say that they think is cool. they sorta look at me with that 'what he hell are you doing here' look because there's an open stall next to me. so i tell one that im just waiting on my son. so he goes in the stall and his friend uses the urinal. so now IM the creepy guy hanging out in the bathroom playing poker on his phone. im also the creeped out guy because there's three people around me urinating and going #2 and im apparently in the audience. just when things couldnt get any more creeped out, while still sitting on the porcelain throne, my son calls out from behind the door

'dad it stinks in here, did you fart?'
im like 'no sammy, thats probably you'.
'haha okay. i did a big one!'
'okay hurry up'
--feeling the need to change the subject, his next words were
'dad when i get big will i have a big one like you?'

he's innocently asked this before and he's not talking about his stool. also the other times he's asked me, we were at home and not around strangers.

if you've never seen a black man blush, come hang with me and son for a day and i'll show you one.

i say all this in jest of course. well some of it anyway. he is extremely smart and reads well above his age level, but its just hard to see because the boy is out of his mind(he's read his oldest sisters books since last year)

despite his crazy/embarrassing antics, i wouldnt have him any other way...well i guess i could without the swine flu in my house...

Monday, November 23, 2009

food coma induces excessive shopping

with another thanksgiving looming, that can only mean another phenomenon follows. black friday. its the day where people have just eaten entirely too much, so naturally spending too much is the obvious follow up.

its a day where people flock to the malls to buy crap they dont need but still claim to have saved money. i guess i think thats what most people do anyway. i seriously doubt a majority of people have a washer breakdown, for example, in july and think 'oh i'll just do without till black friday'. i doubt very many people are filling 'a need' when they descend upon the doors of their favorite stores.

the whole thrill of the day escapes me and has about as much relevance as those giant jawbreakers. i have a hard time seeing the draw to camping outside a store for several hours, sometimes in terrible conditions, to save a few bucks and trample the feeble in the process.

a few years ago i heard about a walmart in florida that opened their doors to a slew of deal seekers and in the process a few people were run over. and by run over i mean footprints on their skulls leaving them in hospital. the thing about the story that really tripped me out was that a few people were complaining...about walmart that is! one woman interviewed said she was upset walmart didnt do enough to protect them. walmart? protect you? i dont know what all walmart could do to protect them except maybe post signs that read, 'to all of you waiting outside like wolves on a bloody carcass, please refrain from stepping on any faces on your way to huge blowout deals we have on digital cameras and those bagel sized toasters.'

i dont know exactly what my deal is with the whole ordeal, but theres just something gruesome about seeing people mob a place, and people possibly, to 'kinda save' a few dollars on crap they normally wouldnt consider if it wasnt the day after thanksgiving.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

hummus

i bet my wife and kids will be soooo...surprised when they open their christmas gift! who wouldnt want a sculpture of an apparent 4 year old breast-feeding?? he's gotta be four AT LEAST, i mean his hair is parted.







i got some new bed pants the other day and i cant wait for it to start getting cold at nights so i dont have that gross feeling one feels as sweat and fleece are paired. i feel like a kid on christmas morning when i put them on. which is a nice change to being the 32 year old quasi adult i actually am.




i actually used the term 'bally-who' the other day...like on purpose. i weighed all my other options and chose bally-who. im thinkin' im going to lay off on my dictionary reading for a spell. maybe sit this one out

$6.50 is the absolute maximum any normal person should spend at taco bell. anything more than that is bordering gluttonous behavior.

the phrase 'easy as pie' is kinda misleading. pie is not an easy fix. maybe the phrase should read 'easy as buying a pie'.

other than a family member or close friend, do male baby-sitters, out of high school, exist?

we got our daughters bunk beds the other day and i got to thinking. i wish they made adult bunk beds...or at least not look at me funny for inquiring about it.

so i suppose im fancy now. fancy is the only way to accurately describe a person who eats hummus. hummus is made from chickpeas and is used as a dip for chips and vegetables like carrots, celery, etc. i mean who would have thought that a chickpea would have any other use other than giving us a better alternative to being forced to call them 'broad-peas'.

the other day i saw one of those ultra cheesy, terribly low budget lawyer commercials where they promise outlandish money and court cases will go your way and boldly say their name with some descriptive term that is supposed to make them appear macho. (ie joe the hammer, or mike the bulldog, etc) these commercials are way to high in numbers for my taste and that got me to thinking. there's alot of them for a reason and one of those is that other lawyers apparently see these commercials and think 'hey, i should setup my camera phone and make me one!' i then got to thinking again and wondered, do these lawyers go to 'regular law school' or like junior college law school?...quick, how do you keep a lawyer from drowning?...shoot him before he hits the water!

IV

i have two of the sweetest daughters a father could have. i mean they are polite, attentive, funny, helpful, smart to name a few of their qualities. some mornings my 10 year old will have already made breakfast and took the dog out. yes, 10 years old. every report card they've had say something along the lines of 'kiera (my 10 year old) jadyn (my 7 year old) are a joy to have in class. they're respectful of the classroom rules and they always have their homework.' its like God took the best qualities from the mrs and me and made two spectacular little girls

i swear the room fills with bubbles and can smell flowers and cotton candy when i talk about them like this.

...but wait, i smell something else as well. (sniff sniff) it smells like someone put tobasco on the cotton candy?? the flowers are now trampled and smell of urine??...oh wait, its just my son pictured here...







as evidenced in this picture, he cant just take a regular picture. yup, lil sammy IV. he's the fourth and a one of a kind mind you. there is no such thing as a simple/quiet/serene/dull moment until he is tucked away in his bed. my daughters have the cutest most infectious laughs you could imagine. my son on the other hand, simply has the most infectious hands. im still doing the proper research, but i swear his dirty clothes hamper had something to do with the swine flu outbreak.

he's also into girls...already. i mean like we'll be at the mall and he'll double-take when he see's a pretty girl, young or old. he's 6 years old btw. while at a celtics game, whenever the cheerleaders took to the court, everyone else was obsolete. we've actually caught him undressing his sisters barbie dolls. he was 3 at the time.

the other day, we were all at a restaurant eating dinner when he said he had to go to the bathroom. so i escort him because i dont like him going on his own basically for two reasons: 1. who knows what creepy folks hang there. 2. i dont want my son sneaking a peek up some ladies skirt. at any rate, he has to "drop a deuce" as he actually calls it. ahem, which is partly my fault but i swear i dont know where he got the looking under dress thing!...i havent done that in years.

he walks in the stall and closes the door. no one else is there so all i can hear is water splashing and the soft tones of a 6 year old humming the black eyed peas hit 'imma be'. while i wait, i decide to play texas hold em poker on my phone. i wait i play. i play i wait when two teenagers walk in saying whatever nonsense teenagers say that they think is cool. they sorta look at me with that 'what he hell are you doing here' look because there's an open stall next to me. so i tell one that im just waiting on my son. so he goes in the stall and his friend uses the urinal. so now IM the creepy guy hanging out in the bathroom playing poker on his phone. im also the creeped out guy because there's three people around me urinating and going #2 and im apparently in the audience. just when things couldnt get any more creeped out, while still sitting on the porcelain throne, my son calls out from behind the door

'dad it stinks in here, did you fart?'
im like 'no sammy, thats probably you'.
'haha okay. i did a big one!'
'okay hurry up'
--feeling the need to change the subject, his next words were
'dad when i get big will i have a big one like you?'

he's innocently asked this before and he's not talking about his stool. also the other times he's asked me, we were at home and not around strangers.

if you've never seen a black man blush, come hang with me and son for a day and i'll show you one.

i say all this in jest of course. well some of it anyway. he is extremely smart and reads well above his age level, but its just hard to see because the boy is out of his mind(he's read his oldest sisters books since last year)

despite his crazy/embarrassing antics, i wouldnt have him any other way...well i guess i could without the swine flu in my house...

Thursday, November 12, 2009

non-skid surfaces

while watching the news here in new england the other night i peeped a story they were reporting about how it seems that sooner or later it will be illegal to text while driving. generally speaking, i really am not a fan of the news. i just really could do without alot of the horrid and tragic stories that seem to litter the newscasts. but i digress. mannequin looking folks delivering morbidness is not the topic de jour. no this post is in essence about the sky mall in flight magazine. i bet your thinking 'now what does the monstrosity we call sky mall have to do with texting and driving and mannequins?' well be patient my friends, i will attempt to enlighten you.

some time ago i posted about how i thought the sky mall magazine was the mothership for all things ridiculous and unnecessary. i mean they really have the trivial trinkets market on lock. maybe i could take some of my random thoughts to them and we could come up with a few products for them to push. oh i dont know, just spitballin' here, but maybe we could sell customizable doorstops. not just any customizable doorstop though. no ours would be in the image of someone's face you would like to see slammed by a door and best of all, you wouldnt go to jail for it! maybe its that teacher who gave you detention. maybe its the mcdonalds employee that put onions on your burger even though you specifically told them not to and when you told them about it they acted like you were being ridiculous for not wanting the stinkin' onions. the list goes on. we would have the customers send in a pic of the person and within a month or so they would have their awesomeness incarnate!...



so what was i talking about again??...thats right, the mannequins bit. anyway, like i was saying, i saw that alot of folks seem to be upset or scared of drivers that text and law may soon mirror the notion. i must say that i dont totally agree but i definitely see where they're coming from. i just dont think everyone who drives and texts does it dangerously. people do alot of things while driving other than driving that are just as bad. or potentially bad anyway. i honestly think eating while driving is just as dangerous and dont let the moron get my order wrong! i hate scraping off onions while trying to text, read, and shave all while driving! so annoying. anyway i admit im probably just being a baby because i do text at times and hate to think of all the messages i wont be able to send now that i could potentially be pulled over for it. no more funny/offensive email forwards to all my friends, but all this did bring to mind a product i saw in the scrap yard...i mean, sky mall magazine. get a gander at this baby...







thats right. its an office workstation for your, (drumroll please)...passenger seat??

okay. so if my reading and interpretation of a possible law are accurate, it will soon be illegal to text but it will be fine and dandy to print out documents and file papers. here's its description...



These workstations strap to the seat with the existing seat belt and provide a non-slip writing surface, a hanging file sectioni and space for a laptop and accessories. Lightweight at just 19 lbs. yet the rugged styrene stand up to years of use. Made in USA. (Express Model imported.) Not for use while driving.

M42 Non-Skid model has pull-out writing surface under the non-skid desktop. M133 Non-Skid with power inverter adds the convenience of 400 watts of 110-volt power and is all you need to power a laptop, printer, cell phone or DVD player. Includes ON/OFF switch with status light and fault light to confirm auto shut down. Comes with two 3-prong AC outlets and a 12V cigarette lighter adapter on a 45" cord.

M150 Non-skid File Master includes a hanging file section that faces the driver. M156 Non-Skid Express has a flip-down, non-skid desktop with trays for a cell phone and more plus an extra bin. This model is extra lightweight at just 10 lbs. and 20"w x 14"d x 10"h.



the good thing is, in the magazine, it says in red letters that this is not for use while driving. oh and who can forget the non-slip writing surface for all the notes i'll be taking...while NOT driving of course. naturally, a few things come to mind..

i guess i would like to know just when exactly the thing is to be used then? i mean it says its lightweight at 19LBS! 19LBS? i guess that is lightweight in terms of car offices, but not so much if you're supposed to carry all your junk into your actual office?? now thats some irony for ya, bringing your office to your office. thats like trying to get to get rid of your coffee breath by eating an onion.

you'll notice that it also comes equipped and ready to power everything you need in your passenger seat. it supports laptops, printer, cell phone, vacuum's, blenders, espresso machines, and dvd players...wait dvd players? saaaaay now thats sweet. one can only assume that to have a dvd player, a television must be present. i mean they just go together. like ponch and 'that other guy' from CHIPS. not quite sure where it would go, but as long as im not texting my wife sweet nothings while driving i guess it doesnt matter where the tv goes.

i really am having a hard time understanding just what the hell this thing is for, of course just who in the hell would pay over $600 for all this and which parts of it arent okay to do while driving? would i be allowed to file my documents while driving? can i surf the internet? can i type and print out my grocery list on the way to target? who knows, as long as i can still brew me up a mocha latte and vacuum at will. of course i hope so because the comfort of caffeine and pristine car floors will be the only comfort i'll feel because my passenger seat is occupied by my office and not a woman.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

nothing-ness

i used to like the show 'three's company' but not enough to explain my dream the other night. janet and i were parachuting from a plane??



speaking of unnecessary letters, who's idea was it to put letters in math problems?? i remember thinking 'i thought i was in math class not english!'



is it just me or are those prius commercials sick, creepy, and the opposite of enticing


yuck



i went to the vitamin store the other day, or should i say, vitamin shoppe?? shoppe? whats that all about?



there's a pretty good chance that i may be alone in this, but you ever notice how pretty much all girls names suit them even while they're children? in my opinion, there are some mens names that arent bad or silly, but they are hard to picture that same name belonging to a young child. basically, the name sounds like its just for adults. examples would be: barry, gary, chester, doug, earl, etc...



while blog surfing, i came across a post that somehow had me thinking about words with silent letters. ie knee, gnat, etc...just why on earth would someone plant silent letters in front of words? who decides which words get the silent treatment anyway?...ah well, i gotta grun now because i khave to go gpick the nkids up from kschool.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

field study

the other night, the mrs and i were looking to hang out spend some time together without the likes of messy peanut butter jelly sandwiches, jonas brothers cd's, lego's, and, well, pretty much parenting in general. we decided we would grab a quick bite then head to the movies. pf changs is ALWAYS busy but we hadnt had their lettuce wraps in a while so figured, what the hell, we'll call it in, pick it up and listen to music while we eat in the car. hey who says romance is dead ; )

a few wraps and a messy middle console later, we headed to peep the movie saw 26. i mean saw 66. well whatever the movie is where they've had a bunch of and i cant figure out how the old guy is still alive, thats the one we went to. at any rate, the movie was decent and the wife and i went through a bottle of wine and i had the peanut m&m's. please believe when i tell you nothing says stomach pain and the pink stuff like wine and m&m's.

as we sat in the theater planning our future movie going by critiquing ALL the previews we saw, i started to think...just what is it about the movie theater that makes it a good place to take a date?? i mean you cant even really converse. well unless you want to be a lame ass butt sniffer!**slight tangent alert** so what is it about the movies that turns regular people into regular asswipes?! i mean really, there is no need to laugh that loud or announce yourself when you walk into the theater and spot the group of flunkies your meeting. i hate THOSE people, but i digress...it seems to me the best that can come out a movie date, without risking a(nother) night in jail mind you(wink wink), is holding a young ladies hand or sharing a variety of artery clogging snacks ie a bucket of popcorn coughcholesterolcough.

so here's my plan, or should i say, research project. im going to get a sitter and the mrs' and i will venture out to borders book store or maybe barnes and noble if she's good. we will get chai tea and biscotti bars then sit side by side...and read. the same book of course. not even out loud. just sit, read, sip, crunch, read. we would even hold hands while we read our books, although that could get aggravating while trying to turn pages.

i wonder how this date would turn out. i personally think its a crock of poo, but supposing what people say is true, 'the book is always better', im sure we'd have a grand ol' time.

Monday, October 26, 2009

its monday somewhere...wait what??

2 posts ago i posted something about ramen noodles and a few other bits of nonsense that actually cross my mind.

upon posting, i realized at least 2 things: 1, i gotta stop drinking and posting simultaneously. 2, i should make a list of 10 things we SHOULD HAVE never heard, but apparently we unfortunately did!...yeah thats it!...

damn libations ; )

anyway, without further ado, the official list of 10 things we SHOULD HAVE never heard, but unfortunately did...(well someone did and the rest of us were forced to experience the torture)

1) 'reality shows are awesome, lets create another!!!'

2) 'okay Wendy's, meet bacon...bacon, meet Wendy's'

3) 'hey guys, there's this new texting language thats not annoying at all! check it out!...hey u goin 2 da show 2day or 2mrw? lemme kno sum time l8ter 2day. K !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4) 'great! really good work guys. the first minivan is now complete'

5) 'damn bro, you are wearing those skinny jeans!!'

6) 'nonsense mr trump, your hair looks amazing!'

7) 'uhh, i disagree. i dont think ANOTHER vampire show is excessive'

8) 'okay singing career, meet heidi montag...singing career heidi'

9) 'why is there a bag of jiffy pop floating through the sky??'

and last but not least

10) 'ive got an idea, just take a lot off the front and do not touch the back.' --the wearer of the first mullet

Friday, October 23, 2009

a trip to the bookstore

if you've noticed the sporadic nature of this here blog, you'll also understand that its hard for me to find time to read books. well basically alot of things i like to do. ie, take photographs, watch the office, bathe, parent, etc. but when i do get the chance, i usually over indulge. in this case, i went there for one book but left with 4 and a half...i'll explain the half shortly.

i really do like the bookstore. not sure if it just makes me feel smart and somewhat 'uppity' or what the reason is, but i do enjoy spending time hanging out. for this trip, my wife had my daughters and they were doing whatever it is girls do when the boys are away, so my son and i ventured out in the rain that dumped on the new england area a few nights back. now my son is the epitome of what one should think of when the term 'little hellian' is used! love him to death but my son is a trip...especially in public! so we're walking around the store looking at all the new titles. as im looking around feeling educated, i had made my way from the carpeting to the tiling and when i did, my quasi wet shoes made an awkward sound that sounded relatively harmless...unless you're a six year old hellian. my lil sammy says 'aww dad did you fart?!'. he thankfully didnt scream it, but he did say it loud enough for a lady to turn around and look at me like, well, like i farted in public. i dont even know what i said. infact, i never know what to say and things like this unfortunately happen regularly. i sorta mumbled under my breath for him to stop being so silly.

not only is this blog sporadic in the peppering of posts here and there, its also sporadic in its themes. this also held true for my purchases at the bookstore. the over indulgent hodgepodge i walked out with went like this:

1) 'wishful drinking"...by carrie fisher aka princess leia. a memoir about the struggles she's faced ie. drugs, bouts of depression and being bipolar. plus im a star wars geek

2) 'a million miles in a thousand years'...by donald miller. basically a memoir about a memoir. he talks about a popular previous book of his that was going to be made into a film. the subtitle reads 'what i learned while editing my life.' im not doing it justice at all but its a great read. i started with this one

3) 'boundaries with kids'...by henry cloud and john townsend. a book written by psychologists with great insight into raising 'healthy kids'.

4) 'my jesus year'...by benyamin cohen. the book is subtitled 'a rabbi's son wanders the bible belt in search of his own faith'

5) 'dirty jokes every man should know'...doogie horner. absolutely riveting stories of sex, alcohol, and lawyer jokes

6) 'mike and ike"...by sugar. a fruity candy that is a must have!

10 things you'll never hear

so quite some time has passed since my last post. dont say i didnt warn you though. as ive stated before, this time of year is really hectic and just getting a chance to sit down and type is near impossible.

anyway, i do have the desire to write/post, just not always the mental capability, or as i mentioned, the time. typically what i end up doing is making notes on random sheets of paper or on my phone and try to remember to expand the thought when my son isnt draped around my leg...(or my wife for that matter wink wink). after ive pried them off, i sit down and type the nonsense you are about to read. so until next month (hopefully not), please take your time, read and savor the morsels im sharing. its a ridiculous list of 10 things you will never ever never ever never ever hear. having stated that, here's the first...

1) 'damn. im eating ramen noodles, could you pass the salt?'

2) 'boy, mikeys mom sure does make a mean rootabaga soup'

3) 'damn. im eating ramen noodles."

4) 'brad! get the kids ready and i'll start the car. be sure to grab the list of things we need from wal mart' -- angelina jolie

5) 'sir where do you keep the rootabaga's?'

6) 'hey lets visit wyoming!'

7) 'man, my cat is soooo active!'

8) 'damn my feet smell awesome!' --any fly

9) 'they make a 50 dollar bill?!...really?!' --oprah winfrey

10) 'president george bush is in the building!' -- the future








posters note: not quite sure why im picking on rootabaga's. actually, not quite sure why im even thinkng about them, but come on!...has anyone ever actually seen a rootabaga?

Saturday, September 5, 2009

un-reality tv

whew, well its been quite some time since my last post. it wasnt a planned hiatus, but once training camp started my mind became mush and could basically only process football information. so for a good three-six weeks, even the simplest of tasks were forced out of my brain which is why i havent been able to participate in the following: use any deodorant that doesnt spray, eaten pb&j sandwiches (that werent the pre-made sort that is), tied my shoes, eaten hard boiled eggs, used vending machines, shelled a pecan or pistachio, hit a pinata, or used a mechanical pencil.

having said that, to get back blogging again, ive decided to target (un)reality tv shows. just to be clear i hate ALL of them! i mean really, how is this crap so widely watched? its hardly 'real' OR 'reality' as its all scripted nonsense. i really loathe this genre of tv more than: house music, people that reverse into parking spots, the ever annoying '20 wiper', and all the swine flu coverage, or should i say the 'R2D2 virus' or whatever its called...combined!

i guess i should say that american idol is the one exception, but that s more along the lines of being 'real' ya dig. also those dancing shows fit here, but im simply not a fan.

also, how does putting a camera in someone's house make them celebrities? take 'john and kate plus 8', what exactly do they do that makes them famous? wouldnt that mean when people were interviewed by a local news station, they should now have to duck the paparazzi if they end up facing marital troubles? i simply just dont see how these folks are in those trashy smut magazines or on crap shows like 'extra'.

anyhow, even though we've officially started our season, i do plan to post but am not making any guarantees ; )

Monday, July 27, 2009

i hate drama

long story short, in general, people suck and are to be avoided at all costs. because people suck, generally speaking that is, i dont trust alot of people and honestly i dont forgive well either. thats another story for another time mainly because i can already feel myself getting pissed again!

theres 7 things i know of that 'fix' me right up when i get pissed or aggravated. this list is:

1. 'relations'
2. 'relations'
3. talking about 'relations'
4. thinking about 'relations'
5. randomly blogging
6. peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
7. and combining #'s 1-4 of this list and possibly #6...dont ask

so because only #'s 4, 5, and 6 can be...wait, SHOULD be done with kids in the vicinity, randomly blogging will have to do...what time is bed time again??

having said that, i havent posted in a while but that doesnt mean my dome hasnt stopped functioning abnormally or fixating itself on obscure, irrelevant, even trite things. anyway, here's to randomness and pissing on drama.

btw, i dont literally hate people. that was the frustr...nevermind, yes i do!


1. first off, in a previous blog i said that toast with butter and grape jelly was severely underrated. now im saying that twinkies are soooo nauseatingly overrated. its like a sponge with mayonnaise stuffed in it. (did i just use the word nauseatingly??)

2. i lover ginger ale but 'canada dry' is a ridiculous name for a brand. no offense to canadiens ay, just sayin ya know. i mean how ridiculous would a similar drink be if we called it 'american wet' or 'united states damp'? again, just sayin.

3. what was God thinking when he created both snakes and spiders? i mean couldnt he forsee that the crap movies '8 legged freaks' and 'snakes on a plane' would spawn from these creations?

4. we took our kids to this indoor/outdoor waterpark in the dallas area the other day and had a blast. other than getting all kinds of stares from on-lookers in regards to all the tattoos we sport, (all three of our kids were COVERED in those fake stick on tats and my wife and i both have quite a few) we had a blast. one night i was staring at the ceiling, as i often do, thinking about the days events and what all i had to do to keep myself from beating up that jerk kid who tried to push my son bc he couldnt get the inner tube from him as we floated down the lazy river. but thats besides the point, what i was trying to say was that while i thought on all this, i started wondering...what the hell are all those 'bumps' on the ceiling?? we had them on the ceiling of the house i grew up in and i would often make shapes out of those, but never asked the question of just what the hell are they?! if you've never seen them they look like the ceiling has a bad case of the chicken pox or like someone, for whatever reason, decide to stick a crap load of those 'french burnt peanuts candies' on the ceiling and paint over them. if you dont know what french burnt peanuts candies are, google it ya lazy bum.

5. why can i spell the word 'regularly' without problems, but as soon as i try to say it, the word soon sounds like a collection of l' and r's scatteres at will. audibly it sounds like 'regularlaly'. really frustrating to sound like a bumbling six year old when doing radio interviews.

reporter: so sammy hows your offseason going? you work out much?
me the apparent six year old: its been great. ive been working out regularaly, i mean regul,ahem, i mean often.

6. peach cobbler is one of my favorite desserts, but i think im going to call it something else. 'cobbler' doesnt sound very appetizing in my opinion. maybe it should be called 'megan fox'.

7. a wet bar is what?

8. so if uni-brow means a single hilarious block of hair with little to no separation above the eyes, a uni-cycle means a single wheel with little to no relevance to anyone other than circus performers, what the hell does uni-sex mean?? shouldnt the clothing or whatever be called 'bi-sex' clothing?...just sayin

9. are dogs offended by humans morning breath? if so, the nerve.



that'll be all

Friday, July 3, 2009

i hate 90% of email forwards buuuuut...

this one is one is probably the funniest one ive seen in a long time! it was actually sent to me at least 4 years ago but ive kept it over the years because it cracks me up to no end!!!

ive heard that this is from a dutch comedy show or something, but its still hilarious! its not even in english but trust me you dont even have to know what he's saying to laugh hysterically! the couple is on this talk show to speak about a tragic hospital stay. i dont mean tragic in that anyone lost their life, no nothing that miniscule. this man and his wife are talking about a procedure where his, ahem, testicles were removed on accident. folks im laughing as i type...its only a minute and a half long and i just posted the link because i havent the slightest as to how to post youtube videos.


hilariousness

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

i was at the grocery store the other day and while i was passing the aisle/area where the bologna, bacon, and other crap 'foods' reside and i couldnt help but wonder...does anyone even eat bologna any more? i personally find it to be absolute filth and the mystery 'meats' slimy texture alone is enough make one vomit. i seriously dry heave just by typing it. bologna? even the name sounds ridiculously foul. bologna?? what the hell is it made of?...anyway, yuck.

also lurking in the area is another rather odd food...hot dogs. now im not either for them nor against them, in regards to attempting to digest one. having said that, i am completely against trying to eat gobs of them at a time. im talking about these hot dog eating contests people always partake in. so when i got home i googled hot dog eating contests and this link is actually from last year but the horridness remains the same.

it just seems to me that with all the starving people in the world, a face stuffing competition wouldnt/couldnt take place. right? i wonder if the one driving the food to the competition passed any homeless people and thought about how insane this is.



i dont know, just sayin...

Sunday, June 28, 2009

tats, mike, and a little clarity

i personally love tattoos. i like them ON me as well as seeing other people's artistic ventures. i got yet another a month or so ago and will be going again in the next few days. my wife actually has waaaaay more than i do and theres also more to come on her. i like it when women can pull off the tats they have. in my opinion, some girls can pull off 'excessive' tats and some simply cannot. i dont know what it is about the girl that she HAS to have to pull it off well but i know it when i see it. my kids will be tatted up by the time they're legally able to do it. they always draw them on themselves and pretend to put em on my wife and i. pretty cool in my opinion. anyway, i was thumbing through one of the 8 quazillion tattoo magazines and i saw a woman with a paris hilton on her foot. yes it pains me to mention it folks, but yes i said paris hilton. not a tat of the hilton hotel in paris where she traded nuptials with her man. nope, it was "that" paris hilton. it actually got me to thinking...

ive been traveling alot and havent had the chance to post on the death of mike, aka, michael jackson. ive seen or heard alot of people talking rather negatively about how most radio stations paying tribute to him by playing his songs pretty much all day. i heard one guy say, 'oh lets honor a child molester'. though i understand where these people are coming from, i still have to object to the negativity.

(soooo...and to now somehow try and make sense of my ramblings and how tats, miss hilton, and mike have a common bond in my brain...)

without a doubt, celebrities or people we idolize (sometimes negatively) play a huge role in our lives. i guess what i had to reconcile mentally was how i could feel such a loss over, not only someone ive never met, but someone with such a...checkered or, at least, questionable past. now i wasnt like in the dumps and depressed all day or anything, but i did feel a sense of loss and was in disbelief. for me, music is so incredibly nostalgic and as a result, the artists somehow become part of my life. i was talking with dawn today and we both were talking about how we could remember where we were when he would have a new video released on tv, or painfully trying to mimic the entire dance sequence of thriller. i distinctly remember my mom damn near driving of the road when i told her that i thought he was saying 'f@ck it' in 'beat it' when he was actually saying 'funky'. there are just so many instances where the nostalgia runs so deep, that i can still, after all these years, remember how i felt at that moment. i can remember the joy and laughter that echoed through my house as my brother and i laughed at each other stumbling over our feet. all because of a simple song or video. after watching all the tributes on tv, i couldnt help thinking, 'wow, i cant believe he's really gone.' when i first heard the news, via text message from a friend, his death hadnt been confirmed yet and i kept thinking, no, hoping, he would pull through and that the media had somehow jumped the gun. unfortunately as we all know, he didnt make it. i for one am saddened regardless of how much he physically morphed into almost a different person and yes even with the allegations laid against him.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

truth be told...

...i HAD to post something, anything, so that a sprawled out adam 'cher' lambert wasnt the first thing i see every time i click on my page...(shudder)

anyway, i was out of town for the weekend in the great yet ultra dusty lubbock, texas. lubbock is in good ole west texas and is the location of my alma mater, texas tech baby! i was there for a football camp for kids and it went really well. i left wednesday afternoon and naturally my flight was canceled. while waiting to get reassigned, i had an absolute blast, all by myself, just sitting and laughing, laughing and sitting just 'people watching' in the airport! i am thoroughly convinced that the airport is the best place to go people watch. along those lines, i also think that while there, i become the most random. not to mention ive felt extremely random the past week or so...gotta...start...sleeping...more!

the following is all stuff i actually took time to weigh, ponder, or consider in my brain in between the times i spent chuckling at all the un-coordination on display while people awkwardly made the dash for their gate. i swear im going to bring a video camera and just record those that were obviously out doing math problems or something while God was handing out coordination.

hilarious


anyway, i give you my brain in blizzle(blog) form...

1. what is it about the airport experience that somehow causes the decibel level of people's voices to apparently raise a few octaves? i mean really, whether boarding or getting off the plane, or just at the airport in general, people seemingly talk plate scraping annoyingly loud! and im sick of it. they're not even relaying anything all that important. i could care less about your flight experience or what you want for dinner that night. all i hear is 'blah blah blah get my bags. blah blah blah cracker barrel. blah blah blah etc

2. speaking of volume, i think the PA system at airports has two settings: church mouse or dragons roar. i almost ended up in grand rapids because i couldnt hear the guy, then just minutes later my eardrum bled because of the inconsistency.

3. whatever happened to neve campbell? she used to be kinda hot but then she disappeared.

4. 'mtv' should change their acronym to 'crstv' which translated means 'crap reality show television'. i remember back in the day when they actually had videos.

5. why is flossing publically considered impolite or rude? actually, WHO was it that decided it was not to be done? its gotta be better than that sound people make when they try to suck the food debris from in between their teeth.

6. when im at the airport alone, i always try to find an area lightly populated to sit down and wait. ESPECIALLY when i have a longer wait bc of cancelled flight. anyway, i found this prime location just a few gates down from where i would be taking off from and decided to camp out there and read my magazine with megan fox(hubba hubba) on the cover. about 15 mins into my search for solace, some loud ass lady, on a damn cell phone, comes and plops down right next to me. mind you there were plenty of seats NOT next to me, but nooooo she wants to get all in my kool-aid. i didnt want to appear snobby or rude so i just sat there for about 15 mins before getting up to 'use the bathroom'. i didnt even have to go but i actually went to the john like i did. i saw that she was still squatting on my land after my fake bathroom trip, so i just roamed and actually found a decent seat at my gate and waited there even though there was more people in the general area. fortunately i didnt have to worry about some lady with terrible seat awareness basically grinding on my leg.

8. toast with butter and grape jelly is highly underrated


7. is it just me, or do none of the jonas brothers actually look like brothers? i guess the 'jonas cousins' didnt have the same ring to it huh.


8. not only are alot of people extra loud at and around airports, the movies seem to also bring out this annoying quality. will someone please explain to me why it is soooo cool to talk loud while entering the theater and while the previews are showing. 'hey everyone, listen to how cool i can be.'...'hey blake, are we going to the bar after the movies?'...damn thats annoying

9. megan fox

10. while standing SECOND in line to get my flight squared away with chipper (sarcastic) lady behind the desk, this guy walks up behind me and this convo actually happened...

him-are you in line?

me-uhh yes i am. (of course this is with that smartass look like 'are we really having this conversation?')

him- oh okay. sorry, i didnt know if you were waiting for the other guy.

me- (befuddled) what other guy?

him- oh nevermind i dont know what im saying

me- oh...okay??

there was only one person behind the counter and it wasnt a guy. he was in a panicky rush and my best guess is that he was either in rush to get to the front of the line so he could hurry and get his flt squared away or he was on crack. he probably wanted to cut in line like an eight year old trying to get to lunch quicker. well panicky crackhead guy i say no way jose! the people behind me had to wait, i had to wait, so guess who else gets to wait? thats right, i dont care how bad you want to get to the front of line. the enchiladas will still be there by the time you arrive.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

GASP!!!




so if you've read any of my blog you know that im a pretty big idol fan. you also know that alison was robbed but i digress.

in this issue, glam, not to mention theatrical, rocker adam lambert dishes on his sexuality and thus finally clearing up all the 'doubts' viewers of the show may have had. i for one am glad he finally did the interview and cleared things up. i mean what a shocker! next thing you know joan rivers will do a 5 page spread for people magazine letting us know she has in fact had plastic surgery. or donald trump will do a story revealing that he actually does use , or over use, hair products. or what about the story hugh hefner will undoubtedly do letting us in on the fact that he does employ the services viagra provides (or some other bedroom 'aid'.)


of course this all supposed to read sarcastically as i could care less about his homosexuality. he is still an overly dramatic singer in my opinion and thats whether he likes guys named kris allen or girls named...well kris allen! hehe, in the article he also dishes about his crush on kris allen...yuck

Saturday, June 13, 2009

mall walkers

really?

seriously?

you cant go to a track or nearby neighborhood? or hell i dont know... the gym?

the mall? really? well lets just try and find the easiest place to 'workout'. i think theres a spa around the corner if you want to do some lunges or maybe jog, i mean, walk in place.





just sayin

Thursday, June 11, 2009

BACON!!!

i seriously thought this was a joke when i first heard it.




i dont know how or what would possess someone to actually take the time to even try and see if this would even taste okay. i mean at what point of ones day are they actually even around vodka and bacon at the same time? okay okay well maybe on a cheeseburger or something while at a bar but the question remains, who would ever think to combine the two?? i think there are just somethings that OUGHT NOT be allowed to be mixed in some irrational, obscure contraption and bacon is absolutely on this list!...gross

i find it pretty funny that the bottle has it listed as a 'premium bacon flavored vodka'...riiiiight. i think they should have went with a 'preposterous bacon flavored vodka.' i know the saying 'dont knock it til you try it' but that crap simply cannot be applied to everything!

if i ever find the following on a restaurant menu, i promise i will politely gather my stuff, and head for the nearest exit. what would you do if you found these items on a menu:

salsa flavored milkshake

omlette flavored wine

vanilla ice cream with bell peppers

ham cheesecake

...and of course bacon flavored vodka




i feel sick to my stomach talking about it so i'll stop there.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

ghost in the staircase remix

i recently posted one of my favorite pics and thought i'd share the work my wife did to change it up some.


Saturday, May 30, 2009

the bible leaves out the part that satan was actually reincarnated




thats right folks! well thats the only logical explanation of this crap. i mean just look at the things! how is that not demonic?!

i havent the slightest as to who actually purchases the sugary, lard, celluite mixture. (sorry but they just remind me of celluite in a bag). everything about the candy itself is a mystery to me. i mean why circus peanuts? my guess is that someone was infatuated with the circus and thought that naming a candy 'circus peanuts' would be a nice gesture. i dont have a problem with that per se, but why single out the peanuts? if anything the name should be 'circus droppings' because that is what they most resemble.

at any rate, beseech the masses that circus peanuts are the devil!!!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

as katy perry sings, 'thats what you get for waking up in vegas!!'

thats right, for memorial weekend i was in las vegas with a friend from college, my agent, and two other guys i met for the first time who are teaming up with him. anyway, long and foggy story short, i pretty much need another vacation to recover from the previous! as a result, im still dead tired and havent even had the time nor energy to write anything of substance...wait a second, this blog rarely has anything of substance! hmmm, well on that note.....

i havent even had the chance to gather my thoughts on the american idol finale, which sucked by the way. my final american idol dissertation will be up soon, but for the time being i figured i would just mention a few random tidbits i, for whatever reason, think about...

1. how come alex trebek and larry king look their age, but pat sajak and vanna white look like they've aged about 5 years over the past 2 decades?

2. how come very few sodas allow you to just pop the top and win a soda. now they all have that web address crap. yeah i'll do that for a soda??

3. i like bicycles but get irritated when people ride them ON the street NEXT TO bike path on the sidewalk! grrrr!

4. for whatever reason, i find personalized license plates incredibly ridiculous!

5. on a similar note, there should be some kind of law against how many bumper stickers are allowed on vehicles. one or two, though kinda cheesy in my opinion, is okay i suppose. but when people have like 600 stickers all over their cars i wanna like follow them until they stop somewhere and let all the air out of their tires and put one huge sticker on the windshield that reads 'WILL YOU STOP WITH THE STICKERS ALREADY!!!' sheesh

6. ive mentioned it before, but i cant believe mall chinese food is STILL even allowed to be served. even worse i cant believe i used to eat it! im going to write president obama a letter urging congress to shut them all down effective immediately!!...now thats change i can believe in! i was in kuwait and iraq during the superbowl with troops and was amazed at all the food options they had, burger king, mcdonalds, and starbucks were all options...one of the options also included one of those mall chinese 'food' places and one day we were trying to figure out what to eat when someone mentioned this crap joint. i immediately was like, 'oh hell no! i dont eat that crap stateside so i damn sure aint touching the junk over here in the dust capital of the world!'

7. so why is the spelling bee competition aired on sports center?? wait a sec, why is it even aired?

8. probably just me (yes it is i just checked) but the word 'rectify' could be the 'dirtiest' sounding word that actually isnt. kinda like the phrase 'stimulus package'.

9. i went to a pool party in vegas and im still dumbfounded that men actually wear thongs to the beach or pool. ESPECIALLY if they are overly hairy in 'that region'. come on guys, really? i mean do you own a mirror or have friends that will be honest and tell you that spreading nausea isnt nice.

10. two girls i find pretty hot that i didnt necessarily think so when they first stepped on the scene are katy perry and clay aiken...whats that?...thats a dude?!?!.............ahem, i mean, one girl i find pretty hot..........

11. the difference between 'warn' and 'forewarn' would be what?

12. im starting to think that 2 things i really enjoy are extremely contradictory. the fact that i love to sleep yet also love to stay up beyond the midnight hours is probably responsible for this confused, erratic, and absolutely silly blog!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

protest of american idol...of sorts that is

so i had the idea that to protest AI and the fact that allison was shown no love, i am going to subject myself to following:

no food for the next hour...actually make that 45 mins

no tv for the next hour

no internet for at least 15 mins. i know it pains me just to mention it folks

and lastly, i will comment on idol AFTER the winner is announced instead of my customary post before the elimination.i actually dont know why i think this represents a protest but it just is okay!

Monday, May 18, 2009

the ghost in the staircase

i like trying different things with the camera to see what different looks i can create. the following pics are from the same...photo shoot?? yeah i actually conduct photo shoots with myself from time to time.

at any rate, this first pic is the intial pic i had in mind when i decided to be the subject of my own shoot. in a nutshell, i turned the flash off, the camera picked up on the light in the background and is able to snap the pic with the silhouette look. i also obviously put the camera in timer mode, pushed the button to take the pic, then trotted back upstairs to my 'deep thought' pose. apparently going shirtless makes one seem more 'deep'.






now the second pose was significantly later in the evening and after i had loaded them to my computer library. after reviewing the pics, i figured i would try a shot with the background off and the only lighting would be from the lighter/cigar combo. the only problem was, because i was the only person present, i couldnt exactly light the cigar AND snap the pic simultaneously. so i improvised and walked right up to the camera, lit the lighter directly in front of lens, then turned around and again trotted to my posing position. im guessing that because there were a few seconds of darkness and maybe i was moving some, the picture came out this way where im actually partially invisible! i got some what mad because i tried and tried to duplicate the pic yet came up short. i still got some pretty cool shots but nothing like the 'ghost in the staircase'.

you gotta fight for the right to party

not sure how many have heard about the kid who was faced with the decision of going to his girlfriends prom, which would actually be going against his own schools beliefs on dancing, or go to the dance and face penalties from his school which include suspension. he goes to a rather strict christian private school and part of attending the school means one has to sign off on the schools beliefs, and of course, no dancing is one of the things he signed off on. long story short, he ended up going to the dance and in turn was suspended and wont be able to take his final exams NOR graduate with the rest of his class. now i gotta say, i find his schools views to be extremely strict and primitive, but i guess the adage, 'to each his own' fits here. the fact that the school is archaic in some of its precepts is irrelevant because the family knew this when they signed their kid up. the point that honestly saddens me is the fact the school can, or better yet, desire to control peoples behavior OUTSIDE of the school grounds and hours. again i know the family apparently read and signed the agreement and should catch a lot of the blame for him not graduating on time, but i just cannot get over the fact that this school, and others like it, would try and 'legislate' what they deem 'good' behavior. i think that for 'good behavior' to be true 'good behavior', it absolutely has to come from the heart not legislated. one can follow rules and precepts WITHOUT a heart change or even a desire for them. schools as these seem to be more concerned with 'aesthetics' and people portraying their version of what they think God wants everyone to adhere to, rather than allowing people to grow and mature and find out who they are as an individual. in my opinionit is better for people to find out who they are and what they believe, as opposed to, being told who they are and what to believe. obviously im not saying that all rules should be abolished but i just dont see how dancing falls into the realm of what the school should or shouldnt allow while AWAY from the school grounds.



thats just my humble opinion though

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

AI commentary...even though i have half a mind to not watch the show anymore because allison is no longer on the show.

after last weeks elimination show, i found myself wondering what the worse part of the show was. the fact that allison didnt make it through really turns my stomach, but the fact that paula performed really killed the nights show and not to mention, really put a damper on any intentions i may have had of 'intimate moments' later if you know what i mean. (wink wink) i mean really, how could i expect to 'perform' after watching and listening to her perform ya dig?

anyway, my allison is gone and the show officially sucks. but like the circus, the show must go on and this show starts with the judges and ryan orange-crest...ahem, thats seacrest. i apologize for the mix up, but is it just me or is ryans face getting more orange every week? he either has been spending waaay too much time in the tanning bed or...i wonder if the swine flu can be spread through dirty tweezers or nail filing boards? hmmm

speaking of going on, randy was back at it w/ the cardigans. i like a cardigan from time to time, but good lord, can we take a timeout? can we let them have some alone time in the closet? dawg? what? what? what? that right there? what? dawg? dude? dude?

as ive said before, i do like kara as a judge WAY more now than i did from the beginning. the only hang up i have is that i find her really bothersome to watch as she gives her critiques. this was soooo evident for me yesterday. i could feel myself wanting to look away as she went on and on with her flailing mannerisms and over annunciation of every adjective and verb.

and lastly, for the record, sometimes the paula and simon 'play fights' get kinda annoying. it takes up too much time away from the actual show and its not funny. i must admit that i do like when simon has that 'damn who farted' expression on his face while paula attempts to offer words of nothingness. (that doesnt event make sense but it kinda does all things considered) i mean what are the people supposed to say when they hear, 'i think..you were magical...like a..unicorn....yet sweet like candycorn.....you werent runny......like cream corn..you were fresh like corn...is corn fresh?...and i must say.....you look adorable tonight.....you commanded...that stage like......a pro....a pro of singing good! here is where she signals to us she's finished by clapping that odd clap only she could do. all this is met with confused faces and the brief awkward silence. what else could one expect? i mean she sounds like what it would sound like if someone were to attempt to translate some ancient hieroglyphic.


anyway enough about paula and her stammering delivery. lets get on to the contestants...that all suck, btw, and couldnt hold allison's jock (or bra in this case).

kris- zzzzzzzzzzzzzz. i am simply not a fan. i thought he left alot of proverbial meat on the proverbial bone with the song 'apologize' while the second song was so unbelievably ridiculous i almost dont even want to comment. almost. randy had the audacity to say that was better than kanye's version! easy there big fella. why dont you take a breather and maybe loosen your cardigan some because that version wreaked! my brother was amongst those who liked it, but his musical ear stinks! he's in the air force and has been in war situations. im thinking that due to the war time experience and shrapnel possibly lodged in his ear canals, he is unfit to say whether this song is good or bad. hehe

donna summers was way over the top yesterday. i thought the theatrics were pushed to the max with the U2 song and the aerosmith song was typical. and by typical i mean the regular loud banshee like shriek that breaks glass, relieves constipation, causes dogs to run for cover and im almost positive it has something to do with the swine flu outbreak.

i couldnt stand danny's first song and paula should not be allowed to choose songs! it wasnt a terrible performance considering what he was given to work with. now the second song was absolutely amazing. i really hope it was enough to get him through to the finals.

so my guess is that kris will be eliminated tonight and danny will face off against adam in the finals only lose before the show even starts.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

random pics

i really enjoy taking pics whenever i get the chance. whether it be silly/random stuff that probably few would like, things while visiting new or intriguing places, of the fam', or taking shots actually for someone, i really feel at ease pointing the lens to and fro.





these are a few shots i basically forced my wife to take...kidding...kinda. the first is obviously something i played around with just because i wanted a 'different look'. the latter is one of several pics we took one day and yes it had snowed the previous days and it was freezing cold! hehe, well i was warm and bundled in 68 layers of clothing.














another thing i like to do is take pics while indoors of relatively random stuff. i love the way my oldest daughter describes it, 'daddy i like the way you make regular things look cool.' it really challenges my brain to find things that are 'picture worthy'. the syrup and bedroom pic are from two different vegas stays and the last one is simply a pic i took in my house and i swear to drunk im not God ; )













this pic is one i saw while riding around. its also proof that not all my pics outdoors are of silly or confusing street signs
















coughcouldnthelpmyselfcough...okay, am i wrong, or is this absolutely the most elaborate sign of all time! i almost wrecked trying to read the whole damn thing! whats truly amazing is that in all its elaborate-ness, i havent the slightest as to what message its supposed to relay. 'slow, house next to edge of street'??? uhh and thats surprising or new information? i mean why stop there? they should make 'stop' signs that read 'stop cars entering intersection plow into the side panel of car and severely raise insurance rates. i was expecting it to say 'continued on back of sign' at the bottom!

Monday, May 11, 2009

you gotta fight for the right to party

not sure how many have heard about the kid who was faced with the decision of going to his girlfriends prom, which would actually be going against his own schools beliefs on dancing, or go to the dance and face penalties from his school which include suspension. he goes to a rather strict christian private school and part of attending the school means one has to sign off on the schools beliefs, and of course, no dancing is one of the things he signed off on. long story short, he ended up going to the dance and in turn was suspended and wont be able to take his final exams NOR graduate with the rest of his class. now i gotta say, i find his schools views to be extremely strict and primitive, but i guess the adage, 'to each his own' fits here. the fact that the school is archaic in some of its precepts is irrelevant because the family knew this when they signed their kid up. the point that honestly saddens me is the fact the school can, or better yet, desire to control peoples behavior OUTSIDE of the school grounds and hours. again i know the family apparently read and signed the agreement and should catch a lot of the blame for him not graduating on time, but i just cannot get over the fact that this school, and others like it, would try and 'legislate' what they deem 'good' behavior. i think that for 'good behavior' to be true 'good behavior', it absolutely has to come from the heart not legislated. one can follow rules and precepts WITHOUT a heart change or even a desire for them. schools as these seem to be more concerned with 'aesthetics' and people portraying their version of what they think God wants everyone to adhere to, rather than allowing people to grow and mature and find out who they are as an individual. in my opinionit is better for people to find out who they are and what they believe, as opposed to, being told who they are and what to believe. obviously im not saying that all rules should be abolished but i just dont see how dancing falls into the realm of what the school should or shouldnt allow while AWAY from the school grounds.

thats just my humble opinion though

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

duets on idol...

...is a terrible idea and i hope they never do it again. well thats what i initially thought until i heard adam and allison perform. other than the,'i need a thesaurus to think of another fitting word to describe' shrill he does seemingly ALL the time, i actually liked the duet.

on second thought, i think i liked that performance but am against the idea of duets. its not solely because kris and danny sounded like two guys who just happened to get up and improvise the same karaoke(took me forever to spell karaoke right) song either. i just dont like the idea and will probably need some time to explain exactly why. at any rate, danny was better than kris and.......speaking of danny.....

wow. i actually felt awkward for him as he, not only hit, assaulted that last note. it just seemed to keep going on and on and on that i felt like i was blushing for the guy. i really like him and like that simon added that he should still be okay, but that was beyond terrible. even the start of the song sounded bad. either way i like him and he's my second favorite behind good ol' allison.

speaking of allison, i kinda felt like the judges were hating a little bit and giving bad feedback that was unwarranted. i gotta admit, that i had not previously heard ANY of the songs performed but out of the four, i liked this one the best. maybe somewhat bias, but for me personally, i could not listen to any of the songs performed on my ipod. thats just me though.

christina aguilera, i mean, adam, had another performance that i just didnt vibe with but the judges loved. i guess im just not into the sound of his voice at all. im not a rock fan either, but i also dont like country music all that much but like a few people here and there. the same goes with adams genre and i just simply dont like that theatrical opera sound.

that leaves kris. the only way to describe this is to type exactly what was in my brain while he performed as well as now as i reflect. hum drum, boring, sleepy, what am i doing tomorrow, are we out of milk, has he done the same song the entire show, marbles, corn dogs are awesome, text 'vote' to 5702 to vote for allison, hey why is ryan talking? oh i guess that means he's done already.

anyway, i hate to say it, but i think its either kris or allison leaving tomorrow. I THINK it should be kris, but the thanks to judges being waaaaaay over critical, i think my girl could be in trouble. i think danny will survive and adam will do sort of like matt when he got his reprieve and be safe.



one last thing...okay two. dude, randy, what?? i was like what?? no cardigan what?? dawg, dude, dawg, dawg, dude, what??

and lastly, im still trying to put my finger on it (thats what she said) but as ive stated before, im starting to like kara as a judge and i think she offers really good critique. but one thing im noticing is that, even though she offers good advice, it is for some reason bothersome to actually watch her give the advice. again, i dont know why just yet. i do think she's relatively easy on the eyes, but AS SOON as she starts to form her mouth to speak, i wish they would put her in one of those 'shadows' like they do for people who are protecting their identity for whatever reason. i dont know, even disguise her voice for the full effect. or even have her sit in a room off site and 'accidentally' lose the feed...i dont know, just bear with me folks im still sorting through this myself.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

the minivan pandemic

with the swine flu buzz pretty much owning all the tv, newspaper, and radio time these days its pretty easy to overlook other issues america faces. just spit-balling here, but i can think of several instances where more media coverage would absolutely raise awareness and help eradicate the dangers they pose. a few of these issues are: the issue of people wearing a blue tooth earpiece while not in use-cmon, its not cool or sophisticated. men wearing capri pants- i mean do you own a mirror? trash shows like 'tmz'-they remind me of lettuce, tasteless and annoyingly messy. also, the fact that mall chinese food still exists is gross. not to mention the portions are epic!

anyway, taking the cake without a doubt is the minivan pandemic! i swear 80% of the time i experience any sort road rage or just horrible driving, its a man driving a mini van! whether its someone doing 60 mph in a 20 or 20 in a 60, frustration ensues. i feel that action needs to be taken immediately! i propose that no mini van should be allowed to drive over 52mph or be allowed to make left turns, and the tinting of the windows is strictly prohibited.

minivans are the new station wagons and action needs to be taken swiftly.

the results are in...

well i know everyone has been anxiously waiting for the dance competition results, well probably not the results so much as the video, but i digress. the results are in and i apparently 'shook what my momma gave me' enough to win over the crowd and judges to win the coveted judges choice award! (just know that im taking a bow as i type this.) isnt it funny how one can start off relatively shy and reserved but as soon as they win become annoyingly arrogant?! hehe, well thats exactly how im approaching this entry. jokingly of course... or not ; )

im still waiting to find the video to post, but when i do BEST BELIEVE i will do my own american idol like critique of every contestant! should be fun considering i did in fact win! in the meantime, this video/interview aired a few days before the competition. the interviewer is joe kayata, who is a sports reporter in RI and was actually in the competition.

in actuality, all the routines were good and entertaining, plus we were interviewed before the competition and they played those just before we started our routines. it made for a good intro leading up to the routines and got the crowd warmed up.


signing off for now, but thats just until i can get the videos of all the contestants...including the winner. whoever that was. although im sure he and his partner were awesome. whoever they were. i mean if i had to guess, i'd say he was the athletic type. just guessing though. i dont know, guess we'll have to wait and see ya know.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

wake up america!!!

after watching tuesday nights idol, i see now more than ever that america needs to wake up and quit sleeping on allison! that was by far her best performance!

as for my other observations...

randy was back to form in his cardigan thus raising his cardigan wearing to a staggering 98.5% of the time...do the math folks

paula apparently left, not one, but two napkins sloppily tucked in her shirt from this afternoons lunch. you would think that with all of idols popularity, they would have someone check her appearance for her...at least they matched the rest of her shirt.

kara's defining moment (for me) came after simon pretty much put a curse on allison. he said that she was in danger of going home after saying the he didnt believe she thought she could win. she still interjected and told him he was off his rocker. which is true.


and now for the contestants

allison- have i said enough? wake up america! sheesh

matt- very sub par to me. i didnt like the advice jamie foxx gave him and thought he sounded terrible in that key.

kris- yaaaaawn...sorry, just thinking of his performance again made me doze off. im just not a fan of his voice

bette midler...i mean adam- uhhh....umm...well i struggle in how to describe this performance. first off, it was like a scene from some college play. in other words, very theatrical. and its this 'theatricalness' that has irked me from the start. he has a great voice, range, and is unique but i absolutely could not imagine the stuff he's been doing actually playing on a radio. thats just me though

danny- the best performance of the night, as well as, his best performance since 'hell week'. i voted for allison at least twenty times, but also had to vote for him a few times after that performance.


i think that because matt and allison have been in the bottom three several times, they are the leading candidates to be voted off. i honestly am not sure what to think as to who will have to leave. i teeter between matt/allison being voted off and a surprise cast off. either way, if allison gets a raw deal and gets the boot wednesday, i could very well being listening to her on the radio thursday while en route to providence place mall to pick up a new cardigan.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

crap...what have i done?!

sometime ago, i was asked by my friend eric, who heads a marketing group i work with, if i would be interested in doing a rhode island version dancing with the stars. it would just be a one day competition and would obviously be for local 'celebrities'. personally not a fan of the word 'celebrity' but thats what was in the email eric sent but i digress. this event would be put on to promote the mentoring of kids, or adults that act like kids. i personally love the idea of mentoring and the impact it can have in the lives of not only the kids, but the mentors as well. if i can be honest for a sec, as good as i think the idea is, initially that really wasnt enough to get me to dance in front of people to be judged...just being honest people. i think i CAN dance, but the thought of doing a salsa, waltz, or even a break dance routine in front of people made me break out in hives. but after some careful consideration, i decided to go ahead and embarrass myself and commit to doing this dance off.

the only thing is/was, i was a little behind in preparing a routine because i was so initially undecided...well that and the hives. the hoedown will be on april 30 and my partner and i started working together the first week of april! no pressure at all! i must have scared the hell out of my partner, barb, during our first phone conversation. it went something like this...

barb: hello sammy? this is barb and i will be your dance partner

me: (trying to hide the dry heaving) oh...hey

barb: so we're a little behind everyone else, i gotta ask, what is your dance experience?

me: is that with or without the alcohol?! (i begin to laugh hysterically mainly to hide my nervousness)

barb: uhhh...

me: sorry about that...as for the dancing experience, do you meanlike in a club?

barb: uhh, not really??(now she's trying to hide the dry heaving)i mean more like tango, salsa, etc

me: ...wow...those are actual dance names? they sound like items from a mexican food joint menu.

barb: (silence)

me: (silence)

barb: (muffled weeping)

me: i do know how to do the running man, electric slide, and the cabbage patch though

barb: (sniffling) oh...okay then. can you just meet me at the studio at 2pm tomorrow so we can talk in person and officially meet?

me: sure thing. im pretty nervous about this whole thing, but i am very competitive so i know we can pull this off and whoop all the other contestants!

barb: (you think YOUR nervous you jerk athlete?! she thinks to herself) well its for fun and a good cause so feel free to leave your football ways at home.

me: yeah good cause schmoz, i wanna win baby! what are those dances you mentioned again? tang and samba was it?

barb: (faints)




anyway, we met up and she eventually figured that i could do just enough for her to work with. we've been practicing pretty regularly now and i think we're in good shape. we're doing a version of 'the salsa' and i just barfed thinking about doing it! wow! what have i got myself into!

as i stated, we got started a little bit later than everyone else and as a result, we didnt get a chance to jump on the fundraising part as early as the others. i was wondering if you could help me raise some funds to help mentor kids. its a GREAT cause and several kids/mentors will benefit. if you visit my page, you will see everything you need to know to donate and make a difference in the lives of many. and yes i may post the video of the performance...that is if we (i) dont lay an egg and really mess things up!

so please join me in making a complete and utter ass of myself...ahem, i mean join me in helping to enrich the lives of so many and have a good time doing it.

wish me luck!

About Me

My photo
texas, United States
im married to one succulent momma and we have 3 supremo kids. i like corn dogs, star wars, toothbrushes with the grip and there isnt really much more to say of interest about me. well other than the fact that i can moonwalk and count to 10 by 5's.

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