Thursday, November 12, 2009

non-skid surfaces

while watching the news here in new england the other night i peeped a story they were reporting about how it seems that sooner or later it will be illegal to text while driving. generally speaking, i really am not a fan of the news. i just really could do without alot of the horrid and tragic stories that seem to litter the newscasts. but i digress. mannequin looking folks delivering morbidness is not the topic de jour. no this post is in essence about the sky mall in flight magazine. i bet your thinking 'now what does the monstrosity we call sky mall have to do with texting and driving and mannequins?' well be patient my friends, i will attempt to enlighten you.

some time ago i posted about how i thought the sky mall magazine was the mothership for all things ridiculous and unnecessary. i mean they really have the trivial trinkets market on lock. maybe i could take some of my random thoughts to them and we could come up with a few products for them to push. oh i dont know, just spitballin' here, but maybe we could sell customizable doorstops. not just any customizable doorstop though. no ours would be in the image of someone's face you would like to see slammed by a door and best of all, you wouldnt go to jail for it! maybe its that teacher who gave you detention. maybe its the mcdonalds employee that put onions on your burger even though you specifically told them not to and when you told them about it they acted like you were being ridiculous for not wanting the stinkin' onions. the list goes on. we would have the customers send in a pic of the person and within a month or so they would have their awesomeness incarnate!...



so what was i talking about again??...thats right, the mannequins bit. anyway, like i was saying, i saw that alot of folks seem to be upset or scared of drivers that text and law may soon mirror the notion. i must say that i dont totally agree but i definitely see where they're coming from. i just dont think everyone who drives and texts does it dangerously. people do alot of things while driving other than driving that are just as bad. or potentially bad anyway. i honestly think eating while driving is just as dangerous and dont let the moron get my order wrong! i hate scraping off onions while trying to text, read, and shave all while driving! so annoying. anyway i admit im probably just being a baby because i do text at times and hate to think of all the messages i wont be able to send now that i could potentially be pulled over for it. no more funny/offensive email forwards to all my friends, but all this did bring to mind a product i saw in the scrap yard...i mean, sky mall magazine. get a gander at this baby...







thats right. its an office workstation for your, (drumroll please)...passenger seat??

okay. so if my reading and interpretation of a possible law are accurate, it will soon be illegal to text but it will be fine and dandy to print out documents and file papers. here's its description...



These workstations strap to the seat with the existing seat belt and provide a non-slip writing surface, a hanging file sectioni and space for a laptop and accessories. Lightweight at just 19 lbs. yet the rugged styrene stand up to years of use. Made in USA. (Express Model imported.) Not for use while driving.

M42 Non-Skid model has pull-out writing surface under the non-skid desktop. M133 Non-Skid with power inverter adds the convenience of 400 watts of 110-volt power and is all you need to power a laptop, printer, cell phone or DVD player. Includes ON/OFF switch with status light and fault light to confirm auto shut down. Comes with two 3-prong AC outlets and a 12V cigarette lighter adapter on a 45" cord.

M150 Non-skid File Master includes a hanging file section that faces the driver. M156 Non-Skid Express has a flip-down, non-skid desktop with trays for a cell phone and more plus an extra bin. This model is extra lightweight at just 10 lbs. and 20"w x 14"d x 10"h.



the good thing is, in the magazine, it says in red letters that this is not for use while driving. oh and who can forget the non-slip writing surface for all the notes i'll be taking...while NOT driving of course. naturally, a few things come to mind..

i guess i would like to know just when exactly the thing is to be used then? i mean it says its lightweight at 19LBS! 19LBS? i guess that is lightweight in terms of car offices, but not so much if you're supposed to carry all your junk into your actual office?? now thats some irony for ya, bringing your office to your office. thats like trying to get to get rid of your coffee breath by eating an onion.

you'll notice that it also comes equipped and ready to power everything you need in your passenger seat. it supports laptops, printer, cell phone, vacuum's, blenders, espresso machines, and dvd players...wait dvd players? saaaaay now thats sweet. one can only assume that to have a dvd player, a television must be present. i mean they just go together. like ponch and 'that other guy' from CHIPS. not quite sure where it would go, but as long as im not texting my wife sweet nothings while driving i guess it doesnt matter where the tv goes.

i really am having a hard time understanding just what the hell this thing is for, of course just who in the hell would pay over $600 for all this and which parts of it arent okay to do while driving? would i be allowed to file my documents while driving? can i surf the internet? can i type and print out my grocery list on the way to target? who knows, as long as i can still brew me up a mocha latte and vacuum at will. of course i hope so because the comfort of caffeine and pristine car floors will be the only comfort i'll feel because my passenger seat is occupied by my office and not a woman.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I know what Santa is bringing you!!

The Catons said...

yet here is the biggest irony of all...have you looked at a police car lately??? Ummm, they pretty much have this thing in there!!! a computer and everything at their fingertips...to use, WHILE DRIVING!!! Just let one of them pull me over for texting while driving...there may be a throw down (I'm just sayin').

Texaslippy said...

I like that circa 1999 phone. If you have that phone, you're texting anybody.

Kembree said...

Ok so don't lose all respect for me, but...that kind of think would be the perfect gift for my fiance who is in medical sales and has to drive around and then take conference calls and do some work in the car from time to time..now I am not paying $600, so he can mark it off his list, but....it might keep him more organized than the plastic storage bins and files floating around in the back of his Denali.

sammy said...

haha well if santa brings it this year, it will be re-gifted immediately!

the catons- you bring up a great point! i hadnt thought of that. hmmm

chris- now that you mention it, i think i did have that phone in 1998!

kembree- haha no respect lost, but i'd say the storage bins IN THE BACK are a better fit than having a 19lb mammoth in the front ; )

Lora said...

that's just sad!
I drove thru NYC once (once!) and couldn't believe what people were doing in their cars, in traffic. Reading newspapers and books and making out and putting on eyeliner. it was crazy!

Kembree said...

Ok, so I'm reading your blog with my fiance here and showed him what 'coulda been' his Christmas gift. He said he saw someone using one today and he had his bluetooth in working away on it...thought you'd like to know..

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texas, United States
im married to one succulent momma and we have 3 supremo kids. i like corn dogs, star wars, toothbrushes with the grip and there isnt really much more to say of interest about me. well other than the fact that i can moonwalk and count to 10 by 5's.

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