Wednesday, December 16, 2009

up to speed

i havent posted in quite some time so to catch yall up to speed and to post random rubbish...here goes nothing

we had a good thanksgiving. this year marked the second time my wife did the whole spread by herself. maybe not all that an amazing feat for all the martha stewarts out there, but my wife isnt exactly aunt jemima. i dont say that at all in a condescending manner either. i mean she can cook but just not all the exotic or extremely difficult type meals. again, i really dont trip or think less of her at all. i mean the kids like her and she's got a great bum, so i say thats 'even steven' ya know. anyway, the food was great and all 5 of us got stuffed. my kids and i ate a whole pecan pie in 2 days. at one point, in between one of my many food coma's, i started to wonder about thanksgiving and christmas dinners and why for some reason i find the tradition somewhat 'odd'. dont get me wrong i love to eat and the fellowship is great, but i started to wonder why cramming our faces and bellies is somehow the way to show 'thanks' and 'seasons greetings'? i dont know, maybe im rambling. after all, what doesnt say thankfulness and seasons greetings like merciless diarrhea and random naps??...

okay now i know im rambling...anyway, on to the random rubbish




1. two sayings i now find completely idiotic are: 'the customer is always right' and 'a mind is a terrible thing to waste.' the customer is right actually about a paltry 25% of the time and the latter is shattered by this gem...





this is its actual description:Your upper body is what makes you beautiful and appear to be fit or not. Yet, almost every home gym product in the last 25 years has only offered exercises targeting your abs, thighs and cardio vascular system. The SpringFlex changes everything!

Numerous repetitive stress injuries have been linked to sitting in front of a desk all day. Lower metabolism and increased weight gain have also been linked to a sedentary work day. But what if you could get a workout when you are just sitting at your desk?

Easily attach the SpringFlex to your desk, door or a similar surface. The SpringFlex lets you do over 120 exercises virtually anywhere at anytime.




i havent the slightest as to how this contraption even works. so where to start?? hmm lets start with the fact that this guy apparently has his shirt off while 'working out' at his office desk?? NUMEROUS repetitive stress injuries? c'mon now, to say there's numerous injuries by sitting at a desk is ridiculous. the item description ends by saying "Easily attach the SpringFlex to your desk, door or a similar surface. The SpringFlex lets you do over 120 exercises virtually anywhere at anytime"...120 exercises?? really? anytime? anywhere? okay smarty pants, can i do it in my car? can i do it in a red lobster? on a bus?




2. the fact that vests often cost more or equal to a whole jacket is silly. thats kinda like getting 4 cokes in a six pack and charging 10 bucks.



3. dont believe the hype. broccoli in ice cream isnt all that great. (dont ask. just shake your head in confusion)



4. i wonder if ancient egyptians really walked like the girls in the 'walk like an egyptian' video or as depicted in hieroglyphics?...like in everyday life.


5. how awkward is it when people ask your opinion about baby names and you say you dont like 'chester', but they later end up choosing it. so now, for forever, they know you dont like their sons name. probably more awkward for family members.


6. so why do movie critics critique kids movies? for whatever reason thats kinda creepy to me. i know some say its for the parents, but c'mon, when i go to the movies with the kids i watch the movie, but not in a critical way because ITS A KIDS MOVIE!


7. top hats and turtlenecks are easily the worst clothing inventions ever.


8. the other day we bought a media cabinet from pier 1. i was enthralled by the DO NOT DROP label on the side of the box. i mean who has to be reminded not to drop a box?? obviously the purchaser of the box doesnt need to be reminded because they know the content. the people at pier 1 SHOULD NOT be reminded for 2 reasons: they either (a) also know whats in the box or (b) dont know whats in the box which means they SHOULDNT drop it for that reason!...thanks captain obvious



9. did you know ramen noodles has an expiration date? i know, surprised the hell out of me too. my question is, what exactly would tip you off that they're even stale? thats the equivalent to putting an expiration date on styrofoam. dont they already seem stale?..."hey honey, can you check the date on the ramen noodles? yeah they taste a little less like congestive heart failure."


10. i doubt the r&b group 'tony toni tone' would have been as popular if their name was jeff

7 comments:

dlem said...

u r an idiot!! i wonder when you have time to come up with this stuff. btw, when did the wifey start cooking? i remember when your little one asked us "what are these little green things?" "u mean green beans?" "yeah, those!"

Lora said...

that Spring Flex thing looks like it would lead to my least favorite body type- the large arms paired with the large gut.

and I was just wondering if kids movies were evaluated by how much kids would like them or adults and I was totally icked out by the whole thing too

The WIFE :) said...

Yes Devin, I cook. Amazing isn't it?! But my 10 year old daughter doesn't have to help me with my cooking, but still has to help you with your spelling. Aren't you a teacher?? :)

Kembree said...

Wow, I'm impressed with the entire dinner herself! I made the salad this year if it tells you anything..and we keep Ramen noodles in our pantry, but they wouldnt expire, Tony eats them as some sort of snack once a week...and no he's not in college still!

dlem said...

Ant nutin wrng wet me splng!! Bi tha wey, if bye "teecher" u meen baby siter, than u r carect!!!

Diana said...

The Spring Flex ain't got nothin' on the Shake Weight!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7xrr8XQ_-Y

This is a real product and a real commercial that is obviously geared toward REALLY gay men. Big, beefy, oiled up biceps... and the shake weight.

Oh and FYI... the security word that I have to type below to leave this comment is "guido" ... so yeah, now I am thinking about Jersey Shore. Thanks.

Melissa said...

Gosh, who would wear a turtleneck with a top hat?! I cannot even fathom what would bring those two together...

Hey, someone posted something from stuffchristianslike.net that really blew me away and I thought his writing might appeal to you--takes something ordinary and kind of goofy and pulls something deep out of it. Check it out sometime--when you have no more random, bizarre thoughts taking up your time! Hah! Like that will happen!

About Me

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texas, United States
im married to one succulent momma and we have 3 supremo kids. i like corn dogs, star wars, toothbrushes with the grip and there isnt really much more to say of interest about me. well other than the fact that i can moonwalk and count to 10 by 5's.

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