Monday, April 28, 2008

absolutely no point at all...(but thats not surprising to most because i rarely have a point and this is no exception...just silliness)

there are three kids in my house (not including me the wife would say). but suffice to say there are three children under the age of 8 where we reside. when we had our first child, kiera, i didnt know what to expect. we were in college and trying to manage school, football, and a family was a tad terrifying! ive learned so much about my wife, myself, and of course our children, from that point to now. its really quite beautiful...

but the beautifulness factor is not really my point. i'll save that for one of their birthdays when im trying to write something sentimental in a card or something. one thing in particular that stands out to me about children/life in general is that there are only two age groups where it is deemed acceptable to fart in public, the really young or the really old! what ive noticed about the really young is that it is often funny or cute when they 'break wind' as my grandfather used to say.

so as it stands, our society only accepts the natural passing of gas from children or the elderly. anyone else is an ill mannered, uncouth, or uncivilzed pig. well at least thats a partial list of what the salesclerk at nordstroms called me.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

never ever forever never 2.0

while responding to my 5'6" atl based homie, dusty, i ended up getting diarrhea mouth(fingers) and my response got quite lengthy so i decided to go ahead make the second half a new post instead of a long ass reply. w/o further delay...

back on the subject of names in which parents display their narcissism and, not to mention, lack of foresight, what is the deal w/ celebs and the hideous names they come up with? im convinced alot of times it is due to a 'trippy narcotic session' the night before! after one too many tokes, sniffs, etc the thought goes, 'oh i think i'll name my twins galaxy and uranus! that'll show how awesome and creative i am!'

hehe, i said diarrhea fingers!

also, to be honest, it took me at least 15 tries to get the correct spelling of diarrhea!

also, im starting to get a little grossed out by the word and how many times ive said it in a 5 minute span!

Monday, April 21, 2008

never ever forever never

i was at the airport the other day in hot-lanta and got a chuckle. i was ear hustlin' two ladies conversation and during their interaction i heard one of them refer to a third party by name. now i dont know the exact details of their convo, but i do know that absolutely nobody should have the name of this absent third party! it was so crazy sounding that i cant even share it with you! i honestly hope it was nickname or some other silly name they had for them! i was like two seconds from being like, 'excuse me miss, i dont mean to intrude, but was that an actual name you just mentioned or simply your rendering of the phonetics of some ancient hieroglyphic?'

i didnt get the chuckle from the third parties name per se, but from where i mentally went from there. in high school i actually knew someone who's name was the combination of arm&hammer baking soda and kleenex. his name was armenex. his mom said while she was pregnant and thinking of names, she saw the boxes of these two products while sitting in her recliner and well, thats what she came up with. (ftr, it is still a mystery to me as to how, or why, she had baking soda in her living room buuuut okay i guess.) at any rate, i ended up coming up with the top 10 names based on products/foods that parents have no business naming their child with, but in this day of infatuation with the obscene it wouldnt surprise me to see a few of them. so here goes in no particular order:

and of course...parmesan

also, for those not in the know, the term ear hustlin' simply means to eavesdrop or, better stated, to listen intensely to someone else' convo that you either know or dont most likely while you should be paying attention to your own shizz ; )

Thursday, April 10, 2008

questioning paradox

in an earlier post, i briefly mentioned that ive had some retractions concerning christianity. this should not be understood as a retraction from God. again the fact that i see them as separate entities at times would partly explain my distancing. anyhow, ive noticed or perceived several issue's that have raised some 'red flags' for me concerning some of its tenets. honestly, i dont see the skepticism as a bad thing. i mean im an admitted dissenter. but its not just to simply argue or disagree for the sake of arguing and disagreeing, but it really does help to delve deeper into the things i say i believe. or as my bizzle(blog) states, it helps me to-unravel. i had some thoughts on the subject of questioning, dissenting, skepticism, doubting or whatever you want to call it. having said that...

most would offer a casual nod of agreement when concerning questioning. conservative and the not so, typically agree that questioning, thinking, doubting, even skepticism are permitted. i am not totally convinced of this, but i am convinced many would agree. there is a great chasm between verbal assent or affirmation and reality or actually 'experiencing'. by experience here i mean people actually experiencing or feeling what its like to be able to question, doubt, think, etc freely. again, i do not believe that is the case. there are constant strings attached that detract from this supposed freedom.

ive said before that concerning questioning and the so called allowing for it, that 'what' is being questioned or doubted sometimes seems to determine whether its permitted or not. i see at least three tiers at play. if you question whether drinking is permissable for believers, whether they're allowed to go to dance clubs/bars, or play the lotto then your skating fine even doing pirouettes on the ice. criticism and lectures abound and you are inundated w/ repetitive christian mantra plus you get tossed out the conservative/traditional group, but things are still 'okay'. now if you question other things such as the literal existence of job, adam and eve, jonah, the flood to name a few, if you think differently about the possibility of people being born strictly hetero or abortion, or regular church attendance then you are still okay. well sort of. no more pirouettes, but you're still on the ice just avoiding the cracks beginning to form. criticism and lectures increase significantly, you are now told things like, 'this is just part of your journey.' 'this is just where God has you.' or my favorite, 'you'll come back around'. as for the last tier of questioning, if you question things as to whether or not hell has a zip code, whether Jesus is the son of God, if the bible is inerrant, or if christianity is superior to any and everything out there then you are either a non-believer or heretic. you have fallen through the ice and are absolutely not 'okay'. you are prayed for with a fury both to your face and unbeknownst. mostly unbeknownst because people see you as leaving the fold following wayward trails and want God to bring you back so you become the 'topic' of church or bible study prayer request time.

ive made mention of 'what' is questioned, but concerning non-believers, it made me think of 'who' is doing the questioning. are believers solely granted questioning rights? (by believers i guess i mean those that said 'the prayer' in time acknowledging christianity as the only true alternative to atheism or ____.) well personally it seems that way to me. what 'non-believers' experience and most christians actually do is different from what is taught. assuming a sifting of christian beliefs is allowed, there are most certainly strings attached. its like 'you can sift but you better hurry and make-up your mind.' what i find surprising is that on the surface this mode of thinking sounds relatively feasible and it surely applies to other parts of our lives. choose a job before the window closes, ask her on a date before she picks another fellow, or buy that house before someone else takes it off the market are all types of decisions we must make in a limited time frame. but, personally, this methodology doesnt translate well for me concerning God. honestly speaking, to say that God is asking a hindu or muslim, who has been steeped in their own teachings for God knows how long, to run a sickle through everything they've been taught and hurry up and make a decision is so ridiculous and unbelievable. or to say that God is asking a pimple faced immature teenager (or the 'age of accountability' whatever the hell that is) to not only contemplate schoolwork, the opposite sex attraction, same sex attraction, and what they want to do with their life, He is also telling them to figure out the greatest mystery known to man. btw, tomorrow isnt promised to anyone so good luck w/ that. i suppose a hindu teenager has it twice as rough.

if my wife and i continually plead with our children that they can tell us anything on their minds/hearts and that we will always listen, yet we blow up in their face and absolutely do not listen when they share certain things w/ us; what they 'experience' is far different from what we say. what we verbally say is actually of little value because of what we actually do. the adage, 'actions speak louder than words' comes to mind. so of course most wont say, out loud anyway, that questioning isnt conceivable bc that sounds too rigid, too close-minded, even too pharisaical and no church going person wants those associations.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

not a post necessarily

just playing with camera here...
i like taking pics as well. my poor kids, every time they turn around there goes their dad aiming the lens at them! i do shoot adults as well! ive entered one contest to date with another happening in the next few months. my wife, unfortunately for her, will be my first subject older than 8 who's pics i will enter! other than myself that is 

typically when shooting outdoor type stuff, i dont really go for the scenic lakeside pics with the sun nestling in the background. im more likely to focus on the rundown stone bench sitting by the lakeside with the sun nestling in the background.

ah well, thats just me. 

Thursday, April 3, 2008

oz-we-pay (dont worry i"ll eventually explain)

right now, my life involves loads of traveling. traveling in insufferable amounts to be more precise. naturally, the more i fly, the more i experience why it sucks so bad. cancellations and delays seem inevitable and is an easy way to screw up one's night. sometimes i feel like i must have been an ant in a former life and my buddies and i royally f-ed up a picnic outing by treading through the potato salad to damage the chicken marsala but i digress. in a nutshell, flying this much stinks. because of the stench, i tend to look for ways to amuse myself and i must say; the airport has got to be the biggest collection of uncoordinated people ever assembled! i see people running for their gates w/ the lamest form ever! i mean good thing there's no killer after them because they'd be done before they could even start the creepy score!

anyhow, the incessant flying, reincarnated potato salad footprints, or clumsy travelers is not even the reason for this offering. no this is about, well, let me first explain the title. on an older episode of saturday night live, there's the depiction of a package being delivered to kevin nealon's(i think) home. the carrier then says, 'i have a package here for a mr. asswipe'. an annoyed nealon quickly corrects him and tells him the correct pronunciation is pronounced 'mr. oz-we-pay'. i havent seen it in forever, and hardly do it justice, but the skit is absolutely hilarious. so there you have it. this post is about, plainly stated, asswipes. i dont mean asswipe in the general sense either. im talking the airport variety type asswipe. once again, let me explain.

ive noticed over the years that some people do not take kindly to children on planes or airports for that matter. on a recent trip, i witnessed one guy (asswipe that is) that infuriated me! if you werent looking you wouldnt have even noticed it, but i was definitely looking and definitely noticed his asswipedness.(<<--totally not a word but its my post sooo...) this poor lady was by herself and her child was not having a fun day. we were supposed to leave at 8:30pm, but we didnt leave until 1 am! hell i wasnt having a fun day either! about an hour into the flight, her kid is screaming and is moving about quite wildly. well this jerk in front of her was huffing and puffing like some eighth grader who got tricked by his pals on opposite day. he kept glancing over his shoulder with that look that screamed, 'will you shut that kid up already!' his smugness was sickening and i felt for the lady. her hair was a mess, her face was candy apple red, her kid was moving about like he was of tazmanian decent, and to top it off, she had the added pressure of the asswipe in front of her! 

just a few thoughts mr. asswipe if you dont mind. im not sure if you've noticed, but anatomically speaking, children have shorter legs than adults. this may help you in understanding that at times their legs may bump your chair when they reach for something or when they are in their parents lap and are having a rough time processing life and why they are on this friggin plane this late at night. whats that asswipe? why dont parents just make their kids sit still for the duration of the flight you ask? well it sounds easy enough right? well for starters, i know, like jesus, there is no record of your early life. except in your case you somehow managed to bypass all the years where self control is learned and just came into the world all knowing and controlled, but not everyone is so fortunate. shocking huh? imagine the shock i faced when i had kids of my own and saw firsthand that children really are not all that mature nor are they respectful of others space. go figure.

well i do hope my words though sticky with sweet sarcasm awaken pleasantness in you and that you save your asswipedness for: loud cell phone talkers, people who wear their bluetooth or neck pillow around while not in use, and plane farters.

for the record, i met the owner of the word asswipe and we worked out a deal where i get $100 for writing this and $10 for each time i said asswipe.

About Me

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texas, United States
im married to one succulent momma and we have 3 supremo kids. i like corn dogs, star wars, toothbrushes with the grip and there isnt really much more to say of interest about me. well other than the fact that i can moonwalk and count to 10 by 5's.

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