Monday, November 30, 2009


i re-posted the following because i started typing it one night and after one too many cups of egg nog, i was unable, unwilling, and too unhealthy to finish typing. so now that my cholesterol has returned to normal and i no longer dry heave when eggs or noggs(whatever that means) are mentioned i thought i'd put it back in order...

i have two of the sweetest daughters a father could have. i mean they are polite, attentive, funny, helpful, smart to name a few of their qualities. some mornings my 10 year old will have already made breakfast and took the dog out. yes, 10 years old. every report card they've had say something along the lines of 'kiera (my 10 year old) jadyn (my 7 year old) are a joy to have in class. they're respectful of the classroom rules and they always have their homework.' its like God took the best qualities from the mrs and me and made two spectacular little girls

i swear the room fills with bubbles and can smell flowers and cotton candy when i talk about them like this.

...but wait, i smell something else as well. (sniff sniff) it smells like someone put tobasco on the cotton candy?? the flowers are now trampled and smell of urine??...oh wait, its just my son pictured here...

as evidenced in this picture, he cant just take a regular picture. yup, lil sammy IV. he's the fourth and a one of a kind mind you. there is no such thing as a simple/quiet/serene/dull moment until he is tucked away in his bed. my daughters have the cutest most infectious laughs you could imagine. my son on the other hand, simply has the most infectious hands. im still doing the proper research, but i swear his dirty clothes hamper had something to do with the swine flu outbreak.

he's also into girls...already. i mean like we'll be at the mall and he'll double-take when he see's a pretty girl, young or old. he's 6 years old btw. while at a celtics game, whenever the cheerleaders took to the court, everyone else was obsolete. we've actually caught him undressing his sisters barbie dolls. he was 3 at the time.

the other day, we were all at a restaurant eating dinner when he said he had to go to the bathroom. so i escort him because i dont like him going on his own basically for two reasons: 1. who knows what creepy folks hang there. 2. i dont want my son sneaking a peek up some ladies skirt. at any rate, he has to "drop a deuce" as he actually calls it. ahem, which is partly my fault but i swear i dont know where he got the looking under dress thing!...i havent done that in years.

he walks in the stall and closes the door. no one else is there so all i can hear is water splashing and the soft tones of a 6 year old humming the black eyed peas hit 'imma be'. while i wait, i decide to play texas hold em poker on my phone. i wait i play. i play i wait when two teenagers walk in saying whatever nonsense teenagers say that they think is cool. they sorta look at me with that 'what he hell are you doing here' look because there's an open stall next to me. so i tell one that im just waiting on my son. so he goes in the stall and his friend uses the urinal. so now IM the creepy guy hanging out in the bathroom playing poker on his phone. im also the creeped out guy because there's three people around me urinating and going #2 and im apparently in the audience. just when things couldnt get any more creeped out, while still sitting on the porcelain throne, my son calls out from behind the door

'dad it stinks in here, did you fart?'
im like 'no sammy, thats probably you'.
'haha okay. i did a big one!'
'okay hurry up'
--feeling the need to change the subject, his next words were
'dad when i get big will i have a big one like you?'

he's innocently asked this before and he's not talking about his stool. also the other times he's asked me, we were at home and not around strangers.

if you've never seen a black man blush, come hang with me and son for a day and i'll show you one.

i say all this in jest of course. well some of it anyway. he is extremely smart and reads well above his age level, but its just hard to see because the boy is out of his mind(he's read his oldest sisters books since last year)

despite his crazy/embarrassing antics, i wouldnt have him any other way...well i guess i could without the swine flu in my house...


Steve said...

Sounds like my son. Too Funny.

amy (metz) walker said...

Come on now. You just told that to brag. Kidding!

Speaking of undressing Barbies, I still laugh when I think about how lil Sammy always used to take my socks of when I came over to hang out or watch the kids. I couldn't figure out why he ALWAYS wanted my socks off & would rub my feet until I oversaw his bath one night. He's sitting there with (naked) Barbie and points to her foot and then mine. She looks like you he says, or that was the idea he was throwing down. Can't remember exactly the words but I do remember how stark (blinding) white Barbie's feet
were...and how serious your son's 3 year old foot fetish was. You better be on your game with that one! ;)

About Me

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texas, United States
im married to one succulent momma and we have 3 supremo kids. i like corn dogs, star wars, toothbrushes with the grip and there isnt really much more to say of interest about me. well other than the fact that i can moonwalk and count to 10 by 5's.

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