so here goes another edition of the confessional according to me. im a little under the weather and still feel my brain is in a fog so hopefully this thing goes okay. also, if you havent tried your hand at the friday confessional, you should quit being a pansy and do one.......or at least head over to the glamazon's page and check out all the other folks not being pansies ; )
anyway, here goes me being un-pansylike:
1. the obvious first confession is that i use the word 'pansy' regularly. i call everyone in my house a pansy, including the dog, for no apparent reason really. if my wife has a headache or some other ailment, serious or not, i'll say something like 'quit being a pansy and suck it up.' if my kids come into the room at night complaining of monsters under their bed or in their closet, i'll say 'quit being a pansy and go back to bed.' as a side note, the words 'sissy' and 'candy pants' are interchangeable. i think i borrowed candy pants from the homie devin and probably stole 'sissy' from my brother. another side note, the fact that there is a pink icon on my page with the word 'glamazon' written on it is in no way 'pansy-like'.
2. the last couple of days i havent been able to stop thinking about and, consequently, breaking out into random bursts of laughter when i think about a post from the small town girl. she was sharing that she was a sleepwalker and proceeded to share a funny ass episode of it. the main part of the story wasnt even what had me laughing the following days. in the beginning of her post she casually mentioned a few of the things she had done while sleep walking and one of those things was peeing in a dresser. you heard me correctly. im seriously laughing as i type now. i turned to my wife and told her what i had just read and could not stop laughing simply because of the mental picture that ensued. i then pictured myself doing that to my wifes drawer and if i did, what drawer what it be. so naturally i walked right on over to my dear wife's drawer and noticed the one about waist level is her sock drawer. i immediately started laughing again at the thought of my wife attempting to put on urine soaked socks. gross i know, but equally funny in my opinion. i also started thinking about other random things i could do as a sleepwalker and how bad it would suck if i took all the cold cuts/meat out the fridge and put them in her underwear drawer. that would be friggin hilarious. she'd probably be like 'sammy, can we put locks on the fridge at night? do you have any idea what lunch meat residue smells like on a crotch on a warm summer day?!'
3. i confess that i wish i was a sleepwalker. i mean what a way to do random silly stuff and get away with it. its like being drunk without the consequences of drunken behavior.
4. if i ever had a teacher named 'herb', 'dick', or 'basil' i mean, i could not take them seriously...seriously.
5. ive never seen a single solitary second of ANY of the following hits: the lord of the rings, harry potter, or twilight....calm down calm down ye faithful followers of these flicks. i know thats blasphemous to some folks, but i can say that i own the first twilight, i just havent watched it yet. or taken it out the plastic for that matter. i wouldnt mind getting caught up on these movies but as for parry hotter and the lord of the nose rings....remember im not a pansy soooooo.....
6. i honestly feel bad for lindsay lohan. i just want to give her a big and then look her straight in the eye and say, 'dammit stop effing up your life!'
7. i am not a fast driver by any means. other than the texting while driving, im pretty safe. maybe i should get a minivan because they apparently ALL drive ridiculously.....but then again theres confession number 1 soooooooo....
8. i hope small town girl is okay with me referencing her post and the sleepwalking/urinating in a drawer/also placing meats in the drawer. if not, im a texan too so when im there again, i'll buy you a drink or 10. (she also likes to drink)
9. i said last time that i love tats. as of today, i realized that i would love to get tatted by a girl.
10. i am soooo not impressed with white castle burgers. all i can visualize when i eat them is a bun soaked in vinegar??
11. typically when my wife reads my posts, or talks to me, she always laughs and says, 'you're sooo weird....in a good way though.' for some reason its starting to get somewhat offensive. the other night we were heading out to a romantic dinner and a movie when she asked me what all females ask their mates, 'hey how does this look?' i look her up and down and say 'haha are you wearing that?? you look stupid....in a good way.'...hey its her own fault. its not like i say a bunch of silly and nonsensical stuff all the time and bring on the 'you're weird comments.'....wait. yeah i do....well its her own fault because no one asked her to marry me and.........shit.
i cant tell if i just confessed that im offended by the weird thing -or- that i confessed i am weird.
10 comments:
I must confess that when you gave me the heads up that you mentioned me in a post I thought FUCK it's gonna be bad because it's gonna be a FRIDAY CONFESSIONAL. I ran to the computer. Whew! Thanks for the laugh and thanks for the mention. You've actually given me a great idea. I never thought about blaming things on sleepwalking. I can finally get rid of some of those clothes Mr. Fantastic has had since high school (that I've never seen him wear). Woot woot!
i used to use the word "panty-waste" a lot. As a gym teacher, I think it is required. I used it until I had to explain what it was to a 15 year old boy...
I am so gonna have to start calling everyone a pansy now!! If they get offended I will send them back to you ;0)
Did you know the first version of Gone with the Wind, the main character's name was Pansy O'Hara. I am NOT kidding. Finally Margaret Mitchell changed it to Scarlet, but can you imagine!
My middle school shop teacher's name was Harold Krack. And? He lived on Butts Road.
Sammy! I love me some Small Town Girl too! She rocks! And for you, Son, you light up the sky with your flame and your sparkle! I'm so glad we can now leave love notes and your wife won't even mind! (Unless she thinks you have a gramma fixation that is!) Happy Easter to you and your beautiful brood!
I stumbled upon your blog from my sister's....ha! not gonna tell you who that is though...I will see if you can figure it out.
As for the sleep walking...my late spouse did that...and he peed in my daughters underwear drawer! as well as in the corner of our bedroom! as well as....oh, forget it!
Also, I have Twilight..still in the plastic too....
Apparently I need to be following you just because of the Twilight thing...
Oh, and I need to add, your wife and children are gorgeous!! WTF?? I didn't know they made real people that beautiful! :)
on behalf of lindsey lohan...i say thank you. that's my favorite girl and i often wish and think the same thing. just waiting for her comeback.
i love tats too. never thought to go to a girl...actually i lie. i used to want to go to kat von d before she got her own show.
hahahaha, I'll have to go read the sleepwalking one. That is hilarious. And even more hilarious that you actually WANT to be a sleepwalker now. I have seen those movies, but they're not my faves, so no sacrelige there. (I don't think I spelled that right, but oh well.) Candy Pants. I'm gonna have to steal that one from you.
Thanks for playing!
Im thinking you just confessed to being weird. After all, if your wife said it, then it must be true.
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