Thursday, April 1, 2010

good

i woke up this morning before my alarm annoyed me enough to finally get up. i mean considerably earlier than i have it set. i keep it set for 6am, but today i got up at o'dark 30....aka, 430. this is usually a crappy and unfortunate start to the day, but today was different. today is one of those days that arrive at just the right moment and are, to say the least, a perfect gift from the heavens.

ive been sick as dog and speaking of dogs, its been raining them and cats and squirrels and fruit and frying pans. no joke. but today none of that seemed to matter. over the last few days, when my alarm buzzed me awake, it felt as if satan himself sat indian style on my face while eating indian food the entire night if you catch my drift. i felt like a number 3 pencil on test day and some kind of dreary dirge should be played as i slowly crept down the stairs to start my day. my head pounded from the habitual and persistent coughing and my body ached as if rust traveled through my veins. but all of that was gone today. the thing is im still sick and for the life of me, cannot figure out what i did differently last night that led to such an awe inspiring day. coupled with an aura that rivaled ghandi, i kissed the kids warm foreheads as they slept, put on my best hoodie and went about the days errands with the fervor of a new mom.

if i could somehow figure out what was/is the catalyst to such a day, i would bottle it and sell it and make a fortune. i'd put it in a pipe and smoke it each and every night. i'd pour it in a flask and slowly sip the magical elixir all day. because whatever i did or dreamed is making me feel, not just on top of the world, but like i personally own the world. i used to hate spanish class in high school and today i not only feel like i got an 'A' on a dreaded and useless test, but like i invented the spanish language.

everything is, or at least seems, perfect. the birds singing outside doesnt just sound like noise, but its actually pleasant. all the 'right' songs played while driving about. or maybe its not that the right songs played, i just heard them differently. there were no minivans doing 80 mph in a 20 or 20 in an 80. hell i would even consider driving a minivan today. today my singing even sounded less atrocious and terrible so i know something has to be up. my wifes legs felt extra smooth and this very smoothness is about the only thing that could keep in the bed this morning. perfect.

its often stated that, in this life, we will always have to deal with adversity. we seem to move from one bombshell to the next no matter how many books we read or prayers we offer. adversity is indeed inevitable. because of this inevitableness, there's a certain 'glow' that ensues when we survey our life and things are going even moderately well. you know when relationships are budding, the kids are growing into pleasant human beings (even the boy), career is progressing well, the dog made his business outside, you either had a good hair day or you lost less than the previous weeks, you returned your movie rental having actually watched the movie and it was on time, or whatever causes that 'glow' from you. but then like steam from a hot shower, fear consumes the arena. the glow quickly fades and instead of savoring the moment, the onset of pessimism seems to cause me to simply sit and embrace for the next blast. or should i say, the birds get annoying and actually, my wifes legs arent all that silky. as the angry beast called pessimism moves in, i realize the shrapnel from the last attack still lingers and aches my soul. i often find myself just waiting for the next one. expecting them. im no longer living life, im simply existing. again this is no fault on me really. as i stated, tragedy can and will strike at any moment. despair preys on peace and anguish lies in wait of joy. as i enjoy this rarity of a day, i get a picture of this and why i should hold the pessimism at bay. the rain here has subsided but i must know that at some point the sun will be overpowered by storm clouds again, drenching everything under heaven. BUT, for the time being, it is foolish of me to not enjoy the present. i suffer a great loss to not take pleasure in all those small and under appreciated gifts that encircle me daily. how can i not enjoy now because of what may happen down the road? again, its a safe estimation to say that something contrary to what i wish or desire will happen, but i dont know the when. so for me, it would seem all the more beneficial to cling to and relish the silkiness of my wife's skin and the rain finally subsiding as i now experience it, because im certain the downpour looms. what 'downpour' do you fear?

5 comments:

The Catons said...

sammy, today the downpour is no more for me. I rejoice that I have our baby girl back home and that we are all getting back to a normal routine.

I will think about the rain tomorrow :-)

Linda Medrano said...

Sammy, I learn a lot from my two dogs, Harry and Honey. They live in the present! And only in the present! Snacks are good. Naps are good. Food is good. Getting petted is good. Having a home is good. Get my drift? Okay, there's none of the "Jesus, the taxes!", "What if?" or "let's just hope we have the money for ...", or "It may rain on Tuesday and ruin everything". Baby, it may rain, or it may not rain. Everything may or may not be ruined. Enjoy the day, the hour, the minute you have!

amy (metz) walker said...

I'm living in my downpour today. I've always had this fear of losing someone I love because there are so few that fall into that category. As strange as it sounds our pups have gotten me through my battle with infertility. The unconditionally love and need me...and they've brought us so much happiness and joy. To wake up one day and realize one of my babies isn't going to make it is one of the worst days of my life. I can't even see through this downpour at the moment, but I know there will be sunshine another day...

Lora said...

I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop, as it were. I hate that feeling.

lin said...

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About Me

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texas, United States
im married to one succulent momma and we have 3 supremo kids. i like corn dogs, star wars, toothbrushes with the grip and there isnt really much more to say of interest about me. well other than the fact that i can moonwalk and count to 10 by 5's.

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