Friday, April 9, 2010

corn is the new voltron

well today is friday and you know what that means. time for some heart purging confessions. well for me its more like brain purging because im basically confessing that this stuff is what i think about. daily. if im not mistaken, this may be the first time that ive posted twice in one day. so you're reading this, dont just read this post. read the previous entry as well because i received my first award yesterday and i feel like im on cloud 9...ty nine that is. actually read the previous two because this post makes 3 in two days and that is a complete rarity for me.

anyway, all this is a great start to the weekend. i'll be watching and HOPEFULLY meeting chelsea handler tomorrow. best believe there will be pics documenting me fondling her....ahem, thats, meeting her.

without further ado, these are my confessions and you would do well to head over to the glamazon's page and link up and see all the others confessing and having a blast doing so. who knows, you may even consider doing one of your own....and you ought to.

1. i am a star wars geek. not only have i seen all the movies, but i used to have a bunch of the toy figures, still in the package, and hanging on our wall. 'our wall' meaning my wife and i were married and had a child. i was in college at the time. SOOO many things i say about my dorkwad-ness, but that could get lengthy. im a dork. sue me. but if you sue me, i'll use the force on you and make your life miserable.

2. ive said it before (somewhere) but the word 'regularly' is near impossible for me to annunciate. i sound something like paula abdul on american idol. also, the word 'rural' is a close second.

3. unless you are lance armstrong, you should never ever wear those shimmery spandex by themselves. i mean, yuck

4. the toilet seat being left up is the worst complaint a woman can make. dont you folks check to see if its up before taking care of your business? i mean isnt the opposite also true? if i left it down, couldnt you also complain when you sat on a closed toilet and consequently peed on TOP of the toilet seat? im just sayin, if you're going to open it anyway, why would it matter if its open or closed. if you ask me, we're doing you favor.

5. grey poupon is a mystery to me. not only does it taste like a drunken concoction of mothballs and mustard, but they present themselves as an uppity type of mustard. the phrase 'poop on' is in your title yet you still arrogantly claim to be the bmw of mustard? whatever dude.

6. we spent $300 at whole foods the other day and our refrigerator STILL seems bare.

7. im not a 'daring' eater but i do love me some food. having said that, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, toast, and cereal is all i really need.

8. pineapples=great. pineapples on pizza= a disgusting mess. i mean thats like putting mayo on the bang bang shrimp at bonefish grill

9. i dont know how pop tarts made it passed the 'what is considered breakfast food' council, but dammit im glad they did. i love me some pop tarts. you HAVE to toast em though to get the full effect. eating them directly from the pack tastes good but still kinda boring. warming them makes them taste like rainbows and exclamation points and happiness. i mean what says breakfast better than sprinkles and icing and icing and sprinkles. put a candle in it and you've got a birthday cake. im going to design my own breakfast food comprised of cotton candy covered in toffee and jelly beans and it will come in two ways. pink and blue cotton candy covered in toffee and jelly beans. just warm it up and you're all set for breakfast and not to mention your sugar count through the year.

10. i dont know why i bother chewing corn. no matter how many times i mash em up, they still somehow 'come out' whole again if you catch my drift. its like the old cartoon voltron. all the parts would come together no matter the opposition. kinda like corn.


Wym said...

Yo! Mucho gracias bro. I love getting awards. I am having one of those days so my posts are coming out late today. I will gladly show off my new award!!!

Kat said...

OH man, I love pop tarts, too! You put a couple of the chocolate chip ones in the toaster and your whole house smells like you've been baking all day! And I never thought about the corn thing...ewwwww! How DOES that happen?

middle child said...

OH-NO!!!! I am ashamed and hanging my head even as I speak. #4?? Something I never thought of in that way and you are (ready for this?) RIGHT. You are a man and you are right? This changes my whole way of thinking. Oh, I have much work to do and many conversations to go over in my mind and,..

Goldstein Family said...

I remember those Star Wars figures and I remember Leslie and I going to
Walmart at all hours of the night looking for the newest figures for you and a certain guy who used to be in my life but shall remain nameless. Did you sell them or give them away? I'm sure they didn't amount to the profit we thought they would. Good times! :)

Glamazon said...

Aaah, really? Star Wars? I might sound a bit unenlightened here, but I seriously just don't get it. At all. I know, I know, lots of people like it. But I don't get it. Like fishing and hunting, it will remain a mystery to me. But at least your wife puts up with it, ahem, I mean loves it as much as you do. :)

Jealous you get to meet Chelsea Handler-I love her.

Please say regularly. and rural. On video, and then post it to your blog. Pretty please. When my hubby says 'wolf' it comes out 'woof.' I try to get him to say it any chance i can.

Fine. I guess I'll have to stop wearing spandex to the gym. And the store. And to pick up my kids from school. You're sure that's not community appropriate?

And pop tarts=yucky! But my hubby loves them, too. If I bring him home a box from the store, it is gone in a day or two. He loves 'em.

Thanks for playing!

Court said...

Ah, I had me some pop tarts for breakfast this morning! Gotta love em.
Stopping by from Friday Confessional and I'm a new follower. I love to hear others randomness. It helps me feel "normal". Whatever that really means? Happy weekend!

Linda Medrano said...

I can't say those words either. So I substitute "as a rule", and "in the boonies".

Pop tarts? Oh Sammy, why pop tarts?

Put down that damned toilet seat! None of those excuses work for me.

Corn is a funny substance. You got a point there Son.

Brittney said...

LMAO!!! Cereal and sandwiches.. yep thats all i eat haha! we po' folk! bahaha! No not for real.. even if my cabinets are stocked ill still eat cereal for dinner if i dont have to cook for the fam!!!!


Brittney said...

ps.. (you should turn your email thingy on so I can reply to your comments) but anyway .. yes I often refer to my hair as nappy... but alot of people around here do.. must be where i live at! HAHA!

bananas. said...

why don't men like pineapples on pizza?! I LOVE IT! the boy friggen LOATHES IT!!!

happy friday, saturday, sunday to you! can't wait to see and read all about your chelsea-ventures!

karen said...

Congrats on your awards! I thoroughly enjoy your ramblings of observational humor. I TOTALLY with you on the PB & J sandwiches too, did you celebrate PB&J day a couple weeks ago? YES it has it's own "holiday" that's how good it is! And I like the S'Mores pop tarts...greatness :)

lin said...


About Me

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texas, United States
im married to one succulent momma and we have 3 supremo kids. i like corn dogs, star wars, toothbrushes with the grip and there isnt really much more to say of interest about me. well other than the fact that i can moonwalk and count to 10 by 5's.

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