Friday, April 9, 2010
corn is the new voltron
well today is friday and you know what that means. time for some heart purging confessions. well for me its more like brain purging because im basically confessing that this stuff is what i think about. daily. if im not mistaken, this may be the first time that ive posted twice in one day. so you're reading this, dont just read this post. read the previous entry as well because i received my first award yesterday and i feel like im on cloud 9...ty nine that is. actually read the previous two because this post makes 3 in two days and that is a complete rarity for me.
anyway, all this is a great start to the weekend. i'll be watching and HOPEFULLY meeting chelsea handler tomorrow. best believe there will be pics documenting me fondling her....ahem, thats, meeting her.
without further ado, these are my confessions and you would do well to head over to the glamazon's page and link up and see all the others confessing and having a blast doing so. who knows, you may even consider doing one of your own....and you ought to.
1. i am a star wars geek. not only have i seen all the movies, but i used to have a bunch of the toy figures, still in the package, and hanging on our wall. 'our wall' meaning my wife and i were married and had a child. i was in college at the time. SOOO many things i say about my dorkwad-ness, but that could get lengthy. im a dork. sue me. but if you sue me, i'll use the force on you and make your life miserable.
2. ive said it before (somewhere) but the word 'regularly' is near impossible for me to annunciate. i sound something like paula abdul on american idol. also, the word 'rural' is a close second.
3. unless you are lance armstrong, you should never ever wear those shimmery spandex by themselves. i mean, yuck
4. the toilet seat being left up is the worst complaint a woman can make. dont you folks check to see if its up before taking care of your business? i mean isnt the opposite also true? if i left it down, couldnt you also complain when you sat on a closed toilet and consequently peed on TOP of the toilet seat? im just sayin, if you're going to open it anyway, why would it matter if its open or closed. if you ask me, we're doing you favor.
5. grey poupon is a mystery to me. not only does it taste like a drunken concoction of mothballs and mustard, but they present themselves as an uppity type of mustard. the phrase 'poop on' is in your title yet you still arrogantly claim to be the bmw of mustard? whatever dude.
6. we spent $300 at whole foods the other day and our refrigerator STILL seems bare.
7. im not a 'daring' eater but i do love me some food. having said that, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, toast, and cereal is all i really need.
8. pineapples=great. pineapples on pizza= a disgusting mess. i mean thats like putting mayo on the bang bang shrimp at bonefish grill
9. i dont know how pop tarts made it passed the 'what is considered breakfast food' council, but dammit im glad they did. i love me some pop tarts. you HAVE to toast em though to get the full effect. eating them directly from the pack tastes good but still kinda boring. warming them makes them taste like rainbows and exclamation points and happiness. i mean what says breakfast better than sprinkles and icing and icing and sprinkles. put a candle in it and you've got a birthday cake. im going to design my own breakfast food comprised of cotton candy covered in toffee and jelly beans and it will come in two ways. pink and blue cotton candy covered in toffee and jelly beans. just warm it up and you're all set for breakfast and not to mention your sugar count through the year.
10. i dont know why i bother chewing corn. no matter how many times i mash em up, they still somehow 'come out' whole again if you catch my drift. its like the old cartoon voltron. all the parts would come together no matter the opposition. kinda like corn.
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