Friday, April 2, 2010
parry hotter and the lord of the nose rings
so here goes another edition of the confessional according to me. im a little under the weather and still feel my brain is in a fog so hopefully this thing goes okay. also, if you havent tried your hand at the friday confessional, you should quit being a pansy and do one.......or at least head over to the glamazon's page and check out all the other folks not being pansies ; )
anyway, here goes me being un-pansylike:
1. the obvious first confession is that i use the word 'pansy' regularly. i call everyone in my house a pansy, including the dog, for no apparent reason really. if my wife has a headache or some other ailment, serious or not, i'll say something like 'quit being a pansy and suck it up.' if my kids come into the room at night complaining of monsters under their bed or in their closet, i'll say 'quit being a pansy and go back to bed.' as a side note, the words 'sissy' and 'candy pants' are interchangeable. i think i borrowed candy pants from the homie devin and probably stole 'sissy' from my brother. another side note, the fact that there is a pink icon on my page with the word 'glamazon' written on it is in no way 'pansy-like'.
2. the last couple of days i havent been able to stop thinking about and, consequently, breaking out into random bursts of laughter when i think about a post from the small town girl. she was sharing that she was a sleepwalker and proceeded to share a funny ass episode of it. the main part of the story wasnt even what had me laughing the following days. in the beginning of her post she casually mentioned a few of the things she had done while sleep walking and one of those things was peeing in a dresser. you heard me correctly. im seriously laughing as i type now. i turned to my wife and told her what i had just read and could not stop laughing simply because of the mental picture that ensued. i then pictured myself doing that to my wifes drawer and if i did, what drawer what it be. so naturally i walked right on over to my dear wife's drawer and noticed the one about waist level is her sock drawer. i immediately started laughing again at the thought of my wife attempting to put on urine soaked socks. gross i know, but equally funny in my opinion. i also started thinking about other random things i could do as a sleepwalker and how bad it would suck if i took all the cold cuts/meat out the fridge and put them in her underwear drawer. that would be friggin hilarious. she'd probably be like 'sammy, can we put locks on the fridge at night? do you have any idea what lunch meat residue smells like on a crotch on a warm summer day?!'
3. i confess that i wish i was a sleepwalker. i mean what a way to do random silly stuff and get away with it. its like being drunk without the consequences of drunken behavior.
4. if i ever had a teacher named 'herb', 'dick', or 'basil' i mean, i could not take them seriously...seriously.
5. ive never seen a single solitary second of ANY of the following hits: the lord of the rings, harry potter, or twilight....calm down calm down ye faithful followers of these flicks. i know thats blasphemous to some folks, but i can say that i own the first twilight, i just havent watched it yet. or taken it out the plastic for that matter. i wouldnt mind getting caught up on these movies but as for parry hotter and the lord of the nose rings....remember im not a pansy soooooo.....
6. i honestly feel bad for lindsay lohan. i just want to give her a big and then look her straight in the eye and say, 'dammit stop effing up your life!'
7. i am not a fast driver by any means. other than the texting while driving, im pretty safe. maybe i should get a minivan because they apparently ALL drive ridiculously.....but then again theres confession number 1 soooooooo....
8. i hope small town girl is okay with me referencing her post and the sleepwalking/urinating in a drawer/also placing meats in the drawer. if not, im a texan too so when im there again, i'll buy you a drink or 10. (she also likes to drink)
9. i said last time that i love tats. as of today, i realized that i would love to get tatted by a girl.
10. i am soooo not impressed with white castle burgers. all i can visualize when i eat them is a bun soaked in vinegar??
11. typically when my wife reads my posts, or talks to me, she always laughs and says, 'you're sooo weird....in a good way though.' for some reason its starting to get somewhat offensive. the other night we were heading out to a romantic dinner and a movie when she asked me what all females ask their mates, 'hey how does this look?' i look her up and down and say 'haha are you wearing that?? you look stupid....in a good way.'...hey its her own fault. its not like i say a bunch of silly and nonsensical stuff all the time and bring on the 'you're weird comments.'....wait. yeah i do....well its her own fault because no one asked her to marry me and.........shit.
i cant tell if i just confessed that im offended by the weird thing -or- that i confessed i am weird.
- ▼ April (11)
- ► 2009 (45)