Friday, March 12, 2010

bonkers







ive been meaning to join one of those things in blogdom that are something like a club. they said i was too old to be a boy scout and had too much hate and dullness for the math club. i have joined the urbanity posse, which is a photo blog that is awesome, but i also wanted to find one that didnt involve a camera. i stumbled across the glamazon mormon mom's blog somehow and long story short, i now find myself being a confessor of the glamazon crew. how could you not follow a blog called 'the glamazon mormon mom'.? amazing title.


anyway, this is my first time trying my hand at this and im positive im not doing everything right, but here goes nothing...


1. capital letters? yeah i hardly use em. who has the time to press the shift key AND a letter key? it was either use the caps lock and SCREAM AT EVERYONE WHILST TYPING, or just forget capitals all together. they're so overrated.

2. the previous sentence marks the first time ive ever used the word 'whilst'. i dont even know if i used it correctly.

3. 33 years of age is fast approaching, but i honestly feel i was born in the wrong era. i have/am what many call an 'old soul.' i'd rather listen to al green or the mama's and the papa's than beyonce or 50 cent.

4. if there's one thing i like that could be considered lame, it'd be going to antique shops. (so lame)

5. my fly has been down alot lately. no i dont mean i have a depressed pet fly or something, i mean my zipper seems to be on the lower end of the zipper tracks. its cool though because i wear lucky brand jeans alot, so i retain some of my dignity.

6. i am a night owl (as evident in my last post). its like when nighttime hits i all of a sudden get a boost of energy and want to do stuff. the other night, after the kids passed out, i fell asleep on the couch in our bedroom around 10pm. i then woke up at 2am and started doing stuff till about 4am?? is that considered a nap? i typically use a turkey baster to apply visine to get all that red out.

7. there was a time in my life when i would go to bars and clubs and order madori sours. with a straight face. and no im not gay. speaking of visine, i think thats how bartenders administer the alcohol in madori sours.

8. i havent the slightest as to when to use all the different parentheses. anyone know the difference between ( ), { }, and [ ]? i guess i could google it and find out, but then i couldnt confess i didnt know what they mean.

9. im a bad american idol fan. i havent seen anything past hollywood week. i have them recorded, but havent caught up yet. it was on the other night and i caught bits and pieces while trying to NOT catch bits and pieces. theres one thing i know, well two if you count the fact that borrowing money from a pessimist is best because they never expect it back. anyway, kara digorno, wait thats that home made pizza stuff, well whatever her last name is....what was i saying again? oh thats right, the other thing i know. i know that kara d is putting the 'irritable' in 'irritable bowel syndrome.' she is just aggravating to watch speak and it has nothing to do with her face or appearance either. she's actually quite easy on the eyes. not hot mind you, just pleasant to look at. like chelsea handler. its like when she speaks she's just opening her mouth and letting whatever spew out without thinking about it. i dont know, its just...irritable.

10. i believe it is impossible to use the word 'marvelous' in a sentence without the person you're talking to looking at you oddly like you just used the word marvelous in a sentence. 'marvelous' is actually number 3 on the top 5 list of 'the most basic word list that has little to zero relevance in everyday communication.' its like the sense of shame on the set of jersey shore. for those of you wondering, its now number 3 because the word 'bizarre' moved up a spot. typing anything from this list is one thing, but actually speaking these words? now thats just silly.

11. i love betty white. im glad she'll finally get her shot at SNL SOON. i mean, if i was stranded on some remote island, or a bar, with megan fox and betty white and was faced with the decision to procreate with one, i'd choose miss fox. you know, for the good of humanity. but i would REEEAAALLLY have to think about it. and you know i mean it because i used excessive capital letters to say 'really'. and thats not solely based on the fact that miss white more than likely cant reproduce. its because she is simply amazing and awesome.

...and lastly

12. ive seen alice in wonderland twice already and my favorite two parts about the movie are pretty obscure, but thats how i roll. furthermore, i promise my favorite two parts wont give anything away if you havent seen it, but you will appreciate if you have. {1} (did i use the right parentheses to showcase the #1?) in the movie, anne hathaway plays the 'white queen' and the best thing she did in the movie, in my ridiculous opinion of course, was convey such a believable gag. thats right, a gag. there were a few times in the movie where her role called for her to gag and i seriously could not stop laughing. i find it hilarious when people gag in real life, for whatever reason, so when she did it in such a believable manner i laughed a little too much........**tangent alert**......gag? what an ugly word. is it just me or does the word 'gagging' contain a disgusting amount of 'g's'? i mean the letter g is about 2/7th's of the word (i told you i was bad at math). what about when people say something or someone makes them want to gag? what an awful thing to say when taken literally. can you imagine what that would do to someone's psyche if they walked by someone and they started gagging?! holy hell what a downer!.....**tangent over**

the other thing i liked best about the movie was a conversation between alice and her dad. in the scene, she's trying to go back to sleep after telling her dad about the nightmare she's just had. while laying there, she asks her dad if she's crazy because of these crazy dreams. he strokes her forehead and says that she is in fact crazy. she's bonkers. he then tells her not to worry because all the best people are. i found his response so simple yet so profound and thats how i want my life to be, profoundly simple.

13 comments:

The Weckler said...

I loved that moment between Alice and her dad too. And how it replayed later in the movie.

I thought Anne Hathaway was the least put-together part of the whole movie. I couldn't get what they were trying to do with her at all. Ever. And she didn't have the kind of hands to be flitting them around all the time. They weren't graceful at all.

Linda Medrano said...

This kind of makes me want to see Alice! You are a pretty funny dude! Pretty wife and kids too!

CarrieBeth said...

This was a cool insight into who you are.

I personally use the words marvelous and bizarre in conversation quite frequently. Perhaps I'm bizarre.

I thought the different parenthesis were used for mathematics, but I could be wrong. I love using the {}, which I call the "fancy brackets", in my blog for all my my parenthesis needs.

By the way, my new smell obsession might be malt vinegar. Possible post coming soon about malt vinegar body lotions and potions.

Brittney said...

you did a wonderful job with Friday confessions! I wanna see Alice in wonderland so bad.. but ive heard mixed reviews on it. Lol I dont know where those parenthesis go either.. I use the same ones () for every situation! haha

pegbur7 said...

Just found your blog today. Funny stuff! Your kids are marvelous! I mean gorgeous... and yes, you are bad at math! LOL

~Ali~ said...

Found your blog through reading Glamazon! Good stuff! I have to say that I agree with the "gag" tangent!! I think that if I walked passed someone and they gagged then I would become a hermit and never leave my bedroom again! Oh....and your kids??? GORGEOUS!!! I will be checking in every now and then to see the funny things you have to say!

Small Town Girl said...

Your blog is complete awesomeness! I'm pretty sure that's not a word, but you know what I mean.

I guess I'm going to have to talk the poor husband into seeing Alice. I loved the tangent.

Lora said...

oh hey! Look at your new fan club over here, is this from joining the mormon thing?

And I love when Lucky flies are down because they are all "lucky you" inside. Like anyone looking at your unzipped fly is the luckiest person in the world

Glamazon said...

Oh, I'm so glad you played. That's just so marvelously bizarre. hahahaha, I guess I'll have to stop saying that. Although I always thought those weird looks were because of my lazy eye. Or hairy mole. Or both.

33, huh? Pretty old. And far too old to have someone to tell you XYZ. (Do you kids ever tell you that one? Cuz some jokes just get funnier every generation.) Oh well, at least you're not wearing Jordache jeans, or then there would be a REAL problem.

bananas. said...

OH.MY.GAWDDD! i cannot stand kara diguaraniobozo or whatever her last name is. she is super annoying. you described her to a T. except i wouldn't relate her to chelsea. that's my hero. love her.

and capitalized letters...so last year. you're way cooler without them ;)

ps. is it bad that i see the word mormon and immediately i'm repelled.

Stella said...

I'm listening to Al Green right now! And as someone raised in the LDS church, I have to see what this other site is all about!

I haven't seen Alice yet, it's not out in Europe! But I can't wait!

Choleesa said...

Sammy, you are a funny funny man, and is your wife HOT or what????
I am an old soul as well...
I have yet to see Alice in Wonderland, I guess I should get on the ball.

lin said...

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About Me

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texas, United States
im married to one succulent momma and we have 3 supremo kids. i like corn dogs, star wars, toothbrushes with the grip and there isnt really much more to say of interest about me. well other than the fact that i can moonwalk and count to 10 by 5's.

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