Friday, May 28, 2010

giraffen






this confessional thing has really become a big thing in my life. it has reached the level of having its own 'memo' area in my phone, so that when i think of something while driving or playing with the kids at chuck-e-cheese i can just jot it down. i like to think of it as little dear diary entries on steroids. if you havent participated, you should. its fun and you feel better in the process. and while at it, you should visit the glamazon's page regularly.

this week im doing this entry a little differently. i typically list about 8-12 different confessions ranging from everything between mercury to pluto the new last planet, but over the weekend my wife and i took our little ones to see the newest and last shrek installment and by the end of the movie i had already decided to make my confessional, one confessional sorta drawn out....random tangent but that was literally the longest sentence ive ever re-read. anyway, onto the drawn out confession


my lone confession this week, is that i really find it weird when adults go to what i deem to be a 'kids movie', without kids.

there i said it.

i know many people who differ and find it okay for adults to go to kids movies but whenever im in the theater, i always see them and think, 'wow thats weird.' i have friends who are like this so obviously i dont hold it against them or look down on them or anything for long , but they often say in defense of their weird movie choice, something like, 'well movies like shrek have hidden adult humor in it.' and i quickly retort 'yeah it absolutely does and im definitely grateful for it, but its in there for the parents and besides, you know why its hidden? because its a KIDS MOVIE.'

so 7 HOURS INTO THE MOVIE i soon had to go to the bathroom to evacuate what the 16 liters of pepsi did to my bladder. why is everything so expensive and large at the movie theater? and why are they all about 'expanding' stuff? i mean no matter what size drink you ask for, they will always counter with a bigger drink or popcorn option. its like, dude. i dont want to wheel barrow my popcorn back to my seat or stick a straw in my mini-cooler sized drink. we typically get snacks after we've taken our seats so we dont have to stand in those nile long lines. so after the pepsi made its exit, i made my entrance into what i thought would be a plethora of short lines. boy was i wrong. there werent alot of people, but they had a few lines open which made no sense to me. i mean didnt they know shrek was opening and that there would be tons of creepy adults snack friendly kids flooding their lines?

as i stood in line, i smelled something...odd. it was the kind of odd that would make you want to duct tape your face. not to mention look around and try to figure out where the hell it was from. after about 5 grueling minutes, i finally deduced that it was the guy behind me. i dont know if it was from his mouth or his oily body hair, but it was bad and every time he exhaled or wafted wind my direction, i thought a tsunami of mold had bullied my nose.

as i stood there waiting impatiently, i noticed this guy in a tank top and too tight jean shorts. i wont even comment on the fact that it was tucked in, but i do want want to comment on his tattoo. it was an awesomely multi-colored tattoo of a giraffe. now ive already stated my adoration for tattoos so i notice them on other people often. it was cool looking because it really had some great color and detail, but my mind soon drifted and i then began wondering why exactly this man had a giraffe as a tattoo? i mean a giraffe? really? of all the animals to choose from, you pick the one who's necktie would be 75ft tall? i drifted further into wondering why he had it. i bet he had some lame ass sentimental story for having too like, 'one time i was on this african safari and a grizzly bear was about to attack us and while we all wondered what the hell a grizzly was doing on an african safari, it was too late. he was coming to attack us. well there was this giraffe eating leaves with its long neck and the grizzly bear got sidetracked because he ironically took notice of the fact that if a giraffe was wearing a necktie, it would be 75 feet tall. how crazy is that? it really was more ironic than medussa at a snake charmers convention. anyway, while the grizzly stood distracted, we made our escape and he just harmlessly trotted off to chase fish and eat sticky honey....so i mean, if it wasnt for the giraffe, i wouldnt be here watching shrek with my 6 year old son 'giraffen'.

17 comments:

Salt said...

I totally note down blog ideas on my iPhone notepad. It's what all the cool kids are doing nowadays.

Too tight jean shorts, tucked in tank, oily body hair and multi colored giraffe tattoo sounds like a recipe for stinky destruction. I feel sorry for whoever he had to sit next to in the theater.

Glamazon said...

hahahaha, so you saw my brother at the movie theater? No, not really, but come on, you can't beat short shorts and a tank top on a dude-that takes some real balls.

Sigh. The adults at the kid's movies. I have the same feeling for adults with no kids at Disney. Especially when they stand in line for 2 hours to ride Peter Pan. I mean, really, you're going to brave this sticky, smelly line just so that you can ride on a moving bed in a dark room? Really, you could have spent 30 bucks in vegas and gotten the same experience with no line.


So glad you played!

Linda Medrano said...

Sammy, I'm almost embarrassed to say this, but Alex and I LOVE kids movies. (Now, we don't usually go to the theater to see them, but we do rent them all the time.) And we aren't weird. (Well, maybe a little eccentric, but not weird weird if you know what I mean.) I love almost everything that Pixar puts out and Disney has always rocked and does it really get any better than Shrek or the Lion King? Well, there you go.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I don't attend the theatre anymore - other people tend to get on my nerves too much, so I just wait for the DVD! LOL.

Brittney said...

LMAO! the girrafe story is too great.. I have to multi colored swallows on my arm and I find myself explaining meaning of it all the time.. now im thinking i sound like a douche! HAHA!

mintifresh said...

Yeah, I don't get that either but I what I don't get even more is people taking their little kids to VERY adult movies. They may be PG-13 but that means no one UNDER 13! It makes me uncomfortable because the whole time I am thinking, "oh, man those parents are going to have to explain that"...or "there's another nightmare for that kid"...you know what I mean??

Lora said...

There is a creepster in my neighborhood who has sesame street characters tattooed all over him. He tried to call my son over to him once so he could show him his tattoos. ONCE.

Cheeseboy said...

Ha ha! this is so stinkin' awesome!

I think Shrek is okay to watch without a kid, but shows like Pocahontas, not so much. I love the Toy Story movies and I would probably go without kids if I had to. Luckily I have kids.

As for the price of things, I think they are trying to make up for the cheap ticket prices. (That was a joke. The tickets are disgustingly expensive.) I will still buy my $7 Coke though.

Adoption of Jane said...

I go to the movies alone period. But i choose a matinee, preferrably on a week day if I can, and the last thing I wanna see is a darn kids movie when I'm alone.

By the way your wife is absolutely Gorgeous!!

Anastasia said...

This seems more like Friday Random Wandering mind-fessional.

But I like it because I do the same thing ;)

Mr. Stupid said...

LOL. Loved the story behind his Tattoo. Everything happens for a reason!
BTW, the Theater is always filled with weird people. I encounter at least a couple of them every time I visit.
Shrek was great! Oops:)

dlem59 said...

Giraffe in a necktie? Hehe! Dog, you got some issues...but i like it!

bananas. said...

i would normally agree with you on the grown ups seeing kid movies without kids BUT not in this case. shrek is not really a kids movie. it's more tailored to adults, at least in my opinion. and yes i've seen it in theatres sans children and look at me! i'm not weird. there are no giraffe tattoos on me!

Lizzi said...

I don't get going to kids movies without kids. I have a kid and I try not to expose myself to more kiddie movies than absoulutely necessary. Of course we have Shrek (#1 - until last week I didn't realize there were 4 (right?) of them) on A LOT at our house.

You have to pull out the stealthy camera phone next time you go to the movies.

Tiffany said...

i watch david bromstad's show on hgtv (because i'm in love with him) and the husband gets all annoyed b/c the man tucks his tank tops in. i didn't even realize this was an issue and he's all 'trust me.'

anyway, i don't go to kid's movies without kids, but sometimes i do watch yo gabba gabba when no kids are around though. that show is awesome.

Alix said...

Medusa at a snake charmer's convention!!!!!!!! I'm totally stealing that.

JMH said...

Adults sans kids at a kids movie? Most of them are on drugs. But it's the few who aren't on drugs that you need to steer clear of.

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texas, United States
im married to one succulent momma and we have 3 supremo kids. i like corn dogs, star wars, toothbrushes with the grip and there isnt really much more to say of interest about me. well other than the fact that i can moonwalk and count to 10 by 5's.

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