Wednesday, May 19, 2010

the rootabaga line up

the other day i was talking to someone about texas and wishing i was there at the moment and blah blah blah. i grew up in san antonio and there is apparently good, if not great, hunting in those parts. im not a hunter, in case you're wondering why i said 'apparently'. ive actually only shot a gun twice in my life. he was all sorts of surprised at my admission because he assumed all texans: hunted, chewed dip, drove over-sized trucks, wore shit kicking boots and cow tipped. he was like, 'man i NEVER thought i'd hear of a texan not shooting up some shit.'

take it easy big fella. not all texans shoot up shit. anyway, i dusted off my 10 gallon hat and went about my way. i found it crazy that what he perceived of ALL texans couldnt be further from the truth. in my life anyway. i then thought about other areas where i might be surprised at what i heard. and from there...well this list was birthed.

its basically a list of 10 things you will NEVER hear. some are from people, some are even from inanimate objects. either way, im 99% sure you will never ever ever ever hear!

1) 'damn. im eating ramen noodles, could you pass the salt?'

2) 'boy, mikeys mom sure does make a mean rootabaga soup'

3) 'we are not diabetes in a straw' -- pixy sticks

4) '911? hey just wanted to say you guys are doing an awesome job' -- rodney king

5) 'sir where do you keep the rootabaga's?'

6) 'hey lets visit nebraska!'

7) 'man, my cat is soooo active!'

8) 'damn my feet smell awesome!' --any fly

9) boy, fran drescher's voice is pleasant isnt it?

10) 'oh. so this is what the stairway to heaven looks like.' --hitler

posters note: not quite sure why im picking on rootabaga's. actually, not quite sure why im even thinkng about them, but hell, could you pick one out of a vegetable police line up?


Small Town Girl said...

Dude, your list is priceless. I don't know where you come up with this stuff. Your brain must be one scary ass place...and I mean that as compliment. Now I've got to go google a rootabaga picture.

Brittney said...

LMao!! I used to work at the grocery store and every once in a while someone would come thru my line with the rootabagas and Id be like ummm? what is this? Haha I used to get the strangest look!

You forgot to add one.. remember you said you'd never heard a white girl refer to her hair as nappy until you met me :) haha

Salt said...

I am not even kidding, but I have actually said #6 and #7. And I was instantly sorry that I said #6 about 20 minutes after we got there.

No offense, Nebraskins.

ellen abbott said...

And we don't all ride horses to town, school or work either.

Anonymous said...

LOL at the Nebraska one. I've said it, and sort of enjoyed it. But I was visiting someone so that makes a difference ;-)

The ramen noodle one is sooo true, love it!

But all you Texans DO have Caddy convertible's with horns as hood ornaments though... right?

Cheeseboy said...

Oh my gosh, you have me rolling with this. Love #8.

Karen said...

Do people tell you that you don't SOUND like you're from Texas?? Love that one! No I'm highly educated and DO use SAT words and I don't have a draw since I live in DALLAS, it's a HUGE CITY!! LOL I also despise hunting and nobody in my family has ever done it. To answer your question, NO I don't think I could pick a rootabaga out of a line-up and I know you had to google it just to spell it right I would have!!

Goldstein Family said...

I just looked up rootabaga on google images (since I can't pick one out of a police lineup) and it pulled up a picture of a tree with a pair of tighty whiteys stretched all across the canopy... I don't know about you, but that is the very first thing that pops into my head when I hear the word rootabaga...underwear on trees!

Anastasia said...

I think I agree with everything on your list. I really like the pixie stix one.

bananas. said...

you can add all of middle america to that one about nebraska for me. HAHAHAHAHA!!! jk...kinda :)

the one about ramen is a hoot. seriously who in their right mind would add more salt to ramen?!

you're funny dude.

Sheliza said...

Dude, you are a fool!! haha... how about this one:

"Wow, that Nikki Minaj is so talented."
Or how about "Sure, I am happy to change your child's poopy diaper"


Linda Medrano said...

Whats a rootabaga? Is it something like a quamquat? For that matter, what is a quamquat?

I've been to Texas. It's big. I've never been to Indiana or Nebraska! Oh well, one day. Uh maybe.

Lora said...

We were all eating Chinese food one night and a friend dumped three packs of soy sauce on his food, tasted it, and then went to the kitchen to get the salt. I almost puked. I think it was some sort of lo mein or something.

He is the grossest human being ever.

I went to Texas. Once. Nothing but steers and queers, as they say.
(seriously, it was Houston. Lots of queers. It was awesome at night. I love me some queers. Their bars are the best)

middle child said...

I am humbled by your sleepability.

Mr. Stupid said...

HAHA. That's an awesome list. Hilarious post. Liked #4 and #8.

K. Rock said...

I haven't had rootabagas since I was forced to "Just try them" by my mom when I was a kid. I may have to try them again to ensure their disgustingness.

Sara said...

found you on friday confessional. like your blog:) following!

Lizzi said...

I love the word rootabaga. It sounds like it shouldn't even be one. Never had one and I'm totally okay with that.

I bet at some point during his life #1 applied to my husband. It's disgusting how much he likes salt. Disgusting.

About Me

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texas, United States
im married to one succulent momma and we have 3 supremo kids. i like corn dogs, star wars, toothbrushes with the grip and there isnt really much more to say of interest about me. well other than the fact that i can moonwalk and count to 10 by 5's.

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