giraffen

this confessional thing has really become a big thing in my life. it has reached the level of having its own 'memo' area in my phone, so that when i think of something while driving or playing with the kids at chuck-e-cheese i can just jot it down. i like to think of it as little dear diary entries on steroids. if you havent participated, you should. its fun and you feel better in the process. and while at it, you should visit the glamazon's page regularly.

this week im doing this entry a little differently. i typically list about 8-12 different confessions ranging from everything between mercury to pluto the new last planet, but over the weekend my wife and i took our little ones to see the newest and last shrek installment and by the end of the movie i had already decided to make my confessional, one confessional sorta drawn out....random tangent but that was literally the longest sentence ive ever re-read. anyway, onto the drawn out confession


my lone confession this week, is that i really find it weird when adults go to what i deem to be a 'kids movie', without kids.

there i said it.

i know many people who differ and find it okay for adults to go to kids movies but whenever im in the theater, i always see them and think, 'wow thats weird.' i have friends who are like this so obviously i dont hold it against them or look down on them or anything for long , but they often say in defense of their weird movie choice, something like, 'well movies like shrek have hidden adult humor in it.' and i quickly retort 'yeah it absolutely does and im definitely grateful for it, but its in there for the parents and besides, you know why its hidden? because its a KIDS MOVIE.'

so 7 HOURS INTO THE MOVIE i soon had to go to the bathroom to evacuate what the 16 liters of pepsi did to my bladder. why is everything so expensive and large at the movie theater? and why are they all about 'expanding' stuff? i mean no matter what size drink you ask for, they will always counter with a bigger drink or popcorn option. its like, dude. i dont want to wheel barrow my popcorn back to my seat or stick a straw in my mini-cooler sized drink. we typically get snacks after we've taken our seats so we dont have to stand in those nile long lines. so after the pepsi made its exit, i made my entrance into what i thought would be a plethora of short lines. boy was i wrong. there werent alot of people, but they had a few lines open which made no sense to me. i mean didnt they know shrek was opening and that there would be tons of creepy adults snack friendly kids flooding their lines?

as i stood in line, i smelled something...odd. it was the kind of odd that would make you want to duct tape your face. not to mention look around and try to figure out where the hell it was from. after about 5 grueling minutes, i finally deduced that it was the guy behind me. i dont know if it was from his mouth or his oily body hair, but it was bad and every time he exhaled or wafted wind my direction, i thought a tsunami of mold had bullied my nose.

as i stood there waiting impatiently, i noticed this guy in a tank top and too tight jean shorts. i wont even comment on the fact that it was tucked in, but i do want want to comment on his tattoo. it was an awesomely multi-colored tattoo of a giraffe. now ive already stated my adoration for tattoos so i notice them on other people often. it was cool looking because it really had some great color and detail, but my mind soon drifted and i then began wondering why exactly this man had a giraffe as a tattoo? i mean a giraffe? really? of all the animals to choose from, you pick the one who's necktie would be 75ft tall? i drifted further into wondering why he had it. i bet he had some lame ass sentimental story for having too like, 'one time i was on this african safari and a grizzly bear was about to attack us and while we all wondered what the hell a grizzly was doing on an african safari, it was too late. he was coming to attack us. well there was this giraffe eating leaves with its long neck and the grizzly bear got sidetracked because he ironically took notice of the fact that if a giraffe was wearing a necktie, it would be 75 feet tall. how crazy is that? it really was more ironic than medussa at a snake charmers convention. anyway, while the grizzly stood distracted, we made our escape and he just harmlessly trotted off to chase fish and eat sticky honey....so i mean, if it wasnt for the giraffe, i wouldnt be here watching shrek with my 6 year old son 'giraffen'.