bloody marys

viva las vegas

i love that damn town, but 3 days is about the max i can do out there. the past trip was a short one, but alot of fun. we were there for one day and it was a last minute trip. or should i say, 'rockstar trip' as its known among our circle. we call it that because we go for one day and usually dont even get a room. that was the plan this time but while there i got a hook up on a room so we stayed there all of 37 seconds. i timed it.

we had fun, drank, gambled, drank, drank, drank, and gambled. we did damn good on the tables and like i always say, it aint gambling when you win. i swear i said that before i heard it in the hangover. during one of our gambling breaks at 2am, we decided we would set out to find something to eat. my whole body is so jacked up from inordinate amounts of the opposite of sleeping, eating at various times of the day/night, drinking vodka and cranberry/redbull, occasional late and early coffee, and of course the very random bloody mary's i drank?? vegas is the only place i drink those bloody(hehe get it) things. anyway, while in the restaurant, we were sitting around drinking, eating, and talking when behind me i heard a splash on the ground like someone had spilled a large glass of liquid. i used to work in food service ages ago and whenever i heard 'that sound' i would always think 'damn that sux! someone has a bad spill on their hands.' so naturally that was my initial thought when i heard the all too familiar sound. as i turned to see the misfortune some waiter was going to have to clean, i quickly saw that it wasnt just a water, coke, or bloody mary. i turned to see some lady sitting at a table by herself throwing up. she would just sit there, lean over to throw up, resume eating, lean over again to barf, take a few more bites, then resume showing us all what she had eaten over the last 6 weeks. i think she had a bloody mary because her spew had a reddish tint. then again it could have very well been the lining of one of her organs because she was heaving quite ferociously. she must have been REALLY messed up because she heaved at least 6 times. oh and she kept eating after each bite. guess the must have been that good especially the second time around. vegas is by far THE BEST place to see some crazy shit happen right before your very eyes.

when the gambling was over and we had to get to the airport, the craziness was about to continue for me. i had a red eye out of vegas leaving at 820 and a connection in LAX. the flight from vegas to LA was thankfully short because i was apparently sitting next to a wildebeest posing as a person. oh my god, this dude had a pungent odor emanating from his skin AND clothes. i felt like i was going to end up like the restaurant barfing lady it was so bad and odoriferous. i was in the aisle seat and wolfman was in the middle. not only did he remind me of a dirty diaper that somehow fell behind the changing table and now 6 weeks have gone by and i decided to open it up for shits and giggles, but this dude snored soooo loud! i mean it didnt even sound real. i wanted to be like, 'okay guy. good one. you've got our whole section of the plane laughing at your faux snoring now wake up because its getting kind of annoying...plus you smell like a petsmart.' but for the rest of that thankfully short flight, gangrene man snored like he was in a 3 month hibernation. i guess if was to look on the bright side i could say that ive always wondered what i would smell like if i: worked in the yard for 2 hours at the hottest time of the day mainly handling fertilizer and mulch, left my tshirt buried in the mulch over night to 'marinate', put the shirt back on the following morning to wear to the gym, then went directly to play basketball for 2 hours, then went for a jog directly to the hospital where i helped deliver twin boys. oh and i forgot to put on deodorant...what? havent you wondered that as well?