Wednesday, January 27, 2010

no joke

while perusing the internet i somehow stumbled across these ACTUAL childrens book titles. i found them both horrific and hilarious.

well...alot more horrific than hilarious though.

out of all of these titles, dr. heinrich hoffmann's is the weirdest. i translated everything written on the platform thing for you. it reads 'i wear my green spandex outside my shoes but who cares, my hands look like rakes and my torso just looks odd. not to mention my hair is 3 feet high and 6 feet in diameter'.

i dont know why my kids have complaints of nightmares all the time.

hopefully your kids wont have the same complaints when you undoubtedly go and seek out these sweet books


Alix said...

I'm embarrassed to admit I bought that Love You Forever book for my kids. It was extremely popular twenty-two years ago, and by the looks of it someone is still getting rich from those horrible illustrations.

Hoffmann's dude reminds me of Edward Scissorhands in tights. And I thought HE couldn't get any freakier.

Thanks for the giggle!

Lora said...

my brother bought my mom Love You Forever (I just typoed Lora You Forever) and she cried for months over that book. Then I had a kid, and I cried for months over that book.

It's all about how a mom holds her son when he is little, and even when he gets bigger she holds him, and then one day he has to hold her because she's to decrepit and nastily twisted up to stand up all by herself.

The Catons said...

I almost thought for a sec that that was what was really written on the statue!!! so funny.

and yes, i too have the "Love you forever" book...its a pretty sweet story...but I have always wondered why there is a potty on the front

and just as an afterthought..."It hurts when I poop"...really??? that was the best title they could come up with...geez!!!

sammy said...

what are you talking about? that IS what is written on the statue ; )

wow you ladies just reminded me that i had heard the love you forever story. my daughter's class read it to us one day during a valentine's day extravaganza her class held for the kids parents. i didnt place the book because i was so thrown of by the kid who is apparently loved so much that his parents locked him in the bathroom while they went out to a new years eve party.

thanks guys(gals), now im scarred

Laurnie said...

Oh wow, I actually OWN I Love You Forever, too. My grandmother got it for us a few years ago for Christmas, saying there was a good message to it. I have yet to read it though.

Sheliza said...

Wow, even though I probably shouldn't be laughing I kind of can't help myself! This is insane!

Diana said...

I own it too...and it makes me cry every time I read it...even though I know what is coming at the end. Pathetic. : )

Perhaps the scissors on that statue could be used to cut his rake fingers and Jupiter sized fro!

Goldstein Family said...

Count me in as one who both owns and cried to Love you Forever. Also, Hoffmann's book is referenced in The Office if you ever watch that show. It's a book that Dwight grew up on and I think he said it's about a man that comes in the night and eats little children!! I thought it was a fake story made for The Office but apparently it's real! My personal favorite was "Who cares about old people!" So funny!!

Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic said...

Ok the Wolves in the Walls look insane - If I was a kid that would give me nightmares. Ok I'm 33 and that still gives me the willies. The last one is gold, creepy but gold!!!

K. Rock said...

After reading the comments, Love you Forever sounds like it has good intentions but...I don't know about that one. The rest are pretty hilarious. And why would a kid ask "Why is there a server in the house"? I don't think they really care about that stuff.

My husband found a childrens book at his school titled "No job Dad" We get a good laugh out of that one every now and then.

Jori said...

We have the Love You Forever book. It's sweet and the first time I read it I cried and my husband rolled his eyes. Granted, the part at the end when the Mom is creeping outside her grown son's window is a little weird.

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texas, United States
im married to one succulent momma and we have 3 supremo kids. i like corn dogs, star wars, toothbrushes with the grip and there isnt really much more to say of interest about me. well other than the fact that i can moonwalk and count to 10 by 5's.

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