watermelons xyz

remember with me if you will to a short time ago when i posted some drivel about rootabaga's or something like that. well upon hitting the 'publish post' button, i realized at least four things. a few of those things being:

1. i have got to stop posting when drunk its past my bedtime.
2. the more you say 'rootabaga', the more you realize it really sounds filthy disgusting and its because of this filthiness that im sure the rootabaga will continue to live in obscurity.
3. 'rootabaga' is actually spelled 'rutabaga'. but when i first entered the word into my laptop, i entered it like 'rootabaga' because that is how i thought it was spelled. my 'plan' was to go ahead and keep it as 'rootabaga' but then add at the end something about how i purposefully spelled it wrong because blah blah blah. basically i was totally dissing the rootabaga because, well, im almost certain they taste like how a port-a-potty smells. anyway, if you didnt read that post, please check it out so i may make some sort of sense to you. if you did read it, you'll maybe remember that i didnt put that part in about purposefully spelling its name wrong because, well i forgot. i do that alot. especially when its happy hour at the bar past my bedtime. so now it looks like i neglected my contractual spell check obligations and if you've read my blizzle (blog) at all, you may remember that i cannot stand blatant spelling errors and thats basically what this damned 'vegatable' made me do...inadvertently that is.

anyway, i guess most people dont initially know how to spell it either mainly because of the aforementioned obscurity, BUT i noticed it and what was intended to be a diss on 'rootabaga's', ended up with me getting punked. i mean i was waiting for ashton kutcher to jump out and be like 'gotcha! take that you rutabaga hater!' (for those of you not in the know, ashton kutcher is president of 'FETA' which actually has nothing to do with cheese.) no the Fair and Ethical Treatment of Atrocious vegetables has been on my case since that fateful post, but im relentless. so to that i say, screw you rootabaga's. no one knows who you are and the ones that do think you are a stool sample posing as food. and not to be outdone, screw you FETA. your leader hasnt been in anything good since.........(wait gimme a sec)........uhhhh??........well i guess its that last camera commercial. whatever. i hope you continue on your plight into nothingness and the only groups that finds you satisfying are rats and leprechauns, because rats are possibly the worst thing ever and leprechauns dont even exist. take that jerks. i wish i had never even heard of rootabaga's.

well i did say i had four things realized. i went on a bit of a tirade, but i wont forget this time. there's this saying from where i grew up, maybe you've heard of it. it goes 'fool me once and i slam your ass in a blog and there is no second time.' so having said that, i used my anger for good and decided to channel that energy into another list of 10 things. this list is different though. i said i wished i had never heard of the despicable rootabaga and this list was bred from this wish.

so the fourth thing realized is that, instead of a list of 10 things you'll never hear, i should devise a list of 10 things we SHOULD HAVE never heard. in this list you wont find anything about rootabaga's. think of them as being grandfathered in. i will, however, continue to spell the name as i choose. and as for FETA, they can just keep whining with their cheese.


the list goes something like this....


1. 'well what if we go overboard with nasty meat.' -- arby's

2. 'nonsense dolly. a quadruple eleventy nine xyz implant isnt too big nor excessive.'

3. 'would you like to take my class?' -- keanu reeve's acting coach

4. 'sweet! i finally finished my script.' -- whoever wrote howard the duck

5. 'i wonder how much ugliness we could get away with.' -- design team for birkenstocks

6. 'appropriate? like whats that mean??' -- lindsay lohan

7. 'haha thats funny.' -- whoever first encouraged gallagher's watermelon routine idea

8. 'ive got an idea, take a whole lot off the front and DO NOT touch the back.' -- the first mullet guy

9. 'so i just squeeze it and abandon the sense of irritability?' -- the first to try an accordion

10. 'damn bro you are wearing those skinny jeans.'