Monday, February 1, 2010

chuck norris will kick you in the face

i hope everyone is familiar with the chuck norris facts book and how effin hilarious they are! i got a new book the other day from urban outfitters that includes mr. t jokes as well. twice the awesomeness in one stop. kinda like doublemint gum or a bra.

anyway, im posting a few good ones i found in the book mixed in with some of my own. can you tell which is which??

first off my wife found a picture of chuck norris' toilet paper. imagine a 20 wiper with this!! ouch...well unless your chuck norris

1. when life handed chuck norris lemons he made chocolate pudding.

2. chuck norris can play the violin with a piano.

3. jesus can walk on water but chuck norris can swim through land.

4. the only fight chuck norris lost was his fight to keep from kicking your ass.

5. an average adults intestine produce about half a liter of flatulent gas per day. chuck norris' intestines produce 4 feature length films every year, all written and directed by his spleen.

6. the real reason pluto is no longer a planet is because chuck norris thought it sounded too similar to chuck norris.

7. there are no buttons on chuck norris' washer. he just puts his clothes in and they just know what to do.

8. chuck norris can build a snowman out of rain.

9. chuck norris and mr t were going through airport security. mr t's chains were going thru the x-ray machine the exact time chuck norris' beard was going through the metal detector. at that exact moment 'the force' and superman were created.

10. mr t is no longer a noun; its a verb.


The Rambler said...

Buwahahahaha...good ones!!

And PLEASE can someone tell me what the frick is with the Chuck Norris thing on Facebook? I'm so lost...even though it's over with.

Sigh. I'm such a loser.

Alix said...


Makes no sense which is why it is so effing hilarious. And yet - somehow - it does make sense.

I'm so confused.

Word verification: "wanab" as in Alix is a Sammy wannabe.

sammy said...

sorry rambler, i guess im a loser too because i havent the slightest idea as to what you're talking about regarding facebook.

haha, 'sammy wannabe'??

haha anyway, yes alix number 6 is mine, but i should have clarified that there are five from me and five from the book.

The Catons said...

Caton got that same book for Christmas...we still find ones in there that make us chuckle!!!

Riley Kai said...

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about

If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.

*Tanyetta* said...

I am very late to the topic of Chuck Norris. The photo is hilarious!

Thauna said...


Best Electronic Cigarettes said...

love the way you have shared the post with us buddy.

extreme video said...

I would like to appreciate the way you have presented the stuff with the audiences.

john said...

No I would not allow him to kick on my face.

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texas, United States
im married to one succulent momma and we have 3 supremo kids. i like corn dogs, star wars, toothbrushes with the grip and there isnt really much more to say of interest about me. well other than the fact that i can moonwalk and count to 10 by 5's.

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