up to speed

i havent posted in quite some time so to catch yall up to speed and to post random rubbish...here goes nothing

we had a good thanksgiving. this year marked the second time my wife did the whole spread by herself. maybe not all that an amazing feat for all the martha stewarts out there, but my wife isnt exactly aunt jemima. i dont say that at all in a condescending manner either. i mean she can cook but just not all the exotic or extremely difficult type meals. again, i really dont trip or think less of her at all. i mean the kids like her and she's got a great bum, so i say thats 'even steven' ya know. anyway, the food was great and all 5 of us got stuffed. my kids and i ate a whole pecan pie in 2 days. at one point, in between one of my many food coma's, i started to wonder about thanksgiving and christmas dinners and why for some reason i find the tradition somewhat 'odd'. dont get me wrong i love to eat and the fellowship is great, but i started to wonder why cramming our faces and bellies is somehow the way to show 'thanks' and 'seasons greetings'? i dont know, maybe im rambling. after all, what doesnt say thankfulness and seasons greetings like merciless diarrhea and random naps??...

okay now i know im rambling...anyway, on to the random rubbish




1. two sayings i now find completely idiotic are: 'the customer is always right' and 'a mind is a terrible thing to waste.' the customer is right actually about a paltry 25% of the time and the latter is shattered by this gem...





this is its actual description:Your upper body is what makes you beautiful and appear to be fit or not. Yet, almost every home gym product in the last 25 years has only offered exercises targeting your abs, thighs and cardio vascular system. The SpringFlex changes everything!

Numerous repetitive stress injuries have been linked to sitting in front of a desk all day. Lower metabolism and increased weight gain have also been linked to a sedentary work day. But what if you could get a workout when you are just sitting at your desk?

Easily attach the SpringFlex to your desk, door or a similar surface. The SpringFlex lets you do over 120 exercises virtually anywhere at anytime.



i havent the slightest as to how this contraption even works. so where to start?? hmm lets start with the fact that this guy apparently has his shirt off while 'working out' at his office desk?? NUMEROUS repetitive stress injuries? c'mon now, to say there's numerous injuries by sitting at a desk is ridiculous. the item description ends by saying "Easily attach the SpringFlex to your desk, door or a similar surface. The SpringFlex lets you do over 120 exercises virtually anywhere at anytime"...120 exercises?? really? anytime? anywhere? okay smarty pants, can i do it in my car? can i do it in a red lobster? on a bus?




2. the fact that vests often cost more or equal to a whole jacket is silly. thats kinda like getting 4 cokes in a six pack and charging 10 bucks.



3. dont believe the hype. broccoli in ice cream isnt all that great. (dont ask. just shake your head in confusion)



4. i wonder if ancient egyptians really walked like the girls in the 'walk like an egyptian' video or as depicted in hieroglyphics?...like in everyday life.


5. how awkward is it when people ask your opinion about baby names and you say you dont like 'chester', but they later end up choosing it. so now, for forever, they know you dont like their sons name. probably more awkward for family members.


6. so why do movie critics critique kids movies? for whatever reason thats kinda creepy to me. i know some say its for the parents, but c'mon, when i go to the movies with the kids i watch the movie, but not in a critical way because ITS A KIDS MOVIE!


7. top hats and turtlenecks are easily the worst clothing inventions ever.


8. the other day we bought a media cabinet from pier 1. i was enthralled by the DO NOT DROP label on the side of the box. i mean who has to be reminded not to drop a box?? obviously the purchaser of the box doesnt need to be reminded because they know the content. the people at pier 1 SHOULD NOT be reminded for 2 reasons: they either (a) also know whats in the box or (b) dont know whats in the box which means they SHOULDNT drop it for that reason!...thanks captain obvious



9. did you know ramen noodles has an expiration date? i know, surprised the hell out of me too. my question is, what exactly would tip you off that they're even stale? thats the equivalent to putting an expiration date on styrofoam. dont they already seem stale?..."hey honey, can you check the date on the ramen noodles? yeah they taste a little less like congestive heart failure."


10. i doubt the r&b group 'tony toni tone' would have been as popular if their name was jeff