for "teaching heidi pratt basic math skills foundation" and it was really great. i also shook hands at a lovely dinner party for the "council of teaching domino's pizza how to use tomato sauce that doesnt taste like butt and feet." that was an amazing dinner. then there was the smaller mixer benefitting the "loose stools. again" committee which was put on by taco bell. now this wasnt as big an event as, say, the "can you say loserville" put on by the folks at skinny jeans, but what gave the taco bell mixer a stronger impact was ceo Kevin O.PECTATE gave a moving yet lengthy talk and, long story short, there wasnt a dry eye in the building.
so, as i said before, if that doesnt say sweetness, i dont know what does. not only do i think so, my friends linda and small town girl also apparently think so. apparently. they both bestowed the same award on my stoic shoulders. as with all awards they come with rules that you are supposed to follow with the emphasis on 'supposed'. i do what
1) Speaking of forewarned. You ever wonder what the difference is between the words 'warn' and 'forewarn'? Well I did, so I looked them up. it said forewarned meant to warn in advance?? so how is that different from just a regular warning? arent all warnings beforehand? i mean if I was about to punch someone in the lip and warned them after the fact, that wouldn't be a warning would it? That would be more like a reminder.
2) Is it just me or does m&m's have too many options now. They have recently come out with a pretzel filled m&m. How silly is that? It should just be plain or peanut with a possible special edition candy. I mean that's not even an m&m anymore. next thing you know they'll have an m&m filled with beef jerky. then after the beef jerky they'll surely come out with the m&m thats actually a skittle. and naturally after that, the m&m filled with salad dressing will line our shelves and thats just disgusting.
3) Have you seen? the smurfs are getting redone. They're supposed to be more up to date or current looking. I don't know about all that, but I do know thinking of the smurfs always makes me think at least 3 things: 1) when the smurfs sing "the blues", do they call it the "me's"? 2) for the longest i was convinced that it was only acceptable to fart in public if you were very young or very old. Well at least that's what the lady at bed bath and beyond told me. just recently ive decided to add 'being a smurf' to this list simply because the male to female ratio is overwhelmingly in favor of the alpha smurf. so basically for the male smurfs, 99% of their day is spent amongst other male smurfs and that equals, well....fart away. 3) and consequently, no matter how little smurfette dates, she will always be considered the town whore.
4. So I assume I'm not alone in my thinking that there are about 3 too many settings on most toasters. I mean every time I somehow manage to burn my toast, I immediately think "shit." I'm absolutely not thinking "shit...I wish there was a setting for it."
5. So if a unitard is a single and completely irrelevant article of clothing, a unicycle is a single wheel used mainly by clowns or other circus performers, and unibrow is a single and ridiculous strip of hair across the eyes, then why does unisex mean its for anyone and not a single sex? I mean its for men AND women. and unibrow offenders alike. Wouldn't that make it at least bisexual? Its pretty confusing actually, but I at least know the terror we all know as skinny jeans are bi-curious.
6. I've said before that if I were an atheist, I would point to snakes and spiders as evidence there is no god, because he had to have foreseen that crap movies like snakes on a plane and 8 legged freaks would find their way to our movie theaters and what kind of loving god would do that to us? I'd also like to add another ammo shell to the atheist arsenal...parrots. Yes parrots. More specifically, I'm referring to parrots that talk. Now there are at least, what, a bazillion different types of animals. And its out of this vast array of animals that I find it odd that parrots got the speaking voice. I mean parrots?! Really? They just seem like they would have the worst and most horrible speaking voice. And lo and behold they do. it really is terrible and aggravating. Its like even more annoying than the racket produced by a centipede on a 1000 crutches. and now that i think about it, I bet the rhinoceros would have the coolest voice. I bet it'd sound like a mixture of barry white and optimus prime while smoking a cigar.
7. so i was at chuck e cheese the other day and as usual, i couldnt have got out of there any sooner than i finally did. every time i leave that wretched establishment my ears are always ringing like 6 bees landed in my ear. chuck e cheese is a pretty cool place despite the loudness and the having to dodge an occassional
thank you again miss linda and small town girl. you gals are amazing and i get butterflies in my tummy whenever i see you guys have commented on something ive wrote. please, visit them now and visit them often.