Monday, July 14, 2008

225/18/20=6 and 10...i discovered a 'formula' for a nice grass burn

as the title implies, i have a grass burn on my back. well actually, it was alot worse yesterday than it is now because of the freshness of it, but nonetheless, i figured out what NOT to do to prevent another one!

to better understand the numbers in the title, this is what they represent:

225- my weight
18- is how long the slip and slide was that i slid down with my kids watching
20- is how many feet back i was when i darted to the damned thing
6- is approximately how many feet i was launched as i reached the 18th foot of the slide!
and of course 10 represents how many minutes the kids laughed at me afterwards!

it all happened so fast. one minute i was hammering the stakes in and connecting the water hose and the next i was thrown helplessly into the air by a sinister device from the 'wham-o' people!

my kids are still in the 'daddy can do anything' stage (mainly because i tell them so) and naturally i often find myself trying to maintain their views of me. as is the case with this god forsaken slide! they all went first and started a little hesitant for my taste. i was like, 'no guys, yall need to take off running to REALLY slide and get the full effect! c'mon, watch how daddy does it.' my chest inflated with each step backwards i took and i then began my plunge into 'dorky dad-dom'.

as i first hit the soaked slide i thought, 'man this brings back memories. how nostalgic'
at the midway point i was like, 'hmmm, i wonder if i should have started a little closer. maybe in the 8-10 ft range.'
towards the end i thought, 'oh ssssssshhhhhhiiiiiiiitttttt!!'



note to self... got...to...get...a...longer...slip & slide!!

16 comments:

Days like These! said...

thank you for stopping by my blog! you have a beautiful family!

Melissa said...

I am confused...did you go down feet first, on your butt?? Cuz, by my calculations of that formula factoring in the typical SnS stance, you should have grass burns from your forehead to your belly button. Which would totally make you the King of Dorky Dad-dom.

Thank God for Small Mercies!

Amy (Metz) Walker said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amy (Metz) Walker said...

Melissa, here's my guess... I bet Sammy started out on his stomach and the slip-n-slide gave him an old fashion ass-whoopin and he ended up spinning out of control, over onto his back, and off the slide into the grass. I'm just saying this is what I've pictured.

Sammy, I've been laughing my butt off for the last 15 minutes at the thought of Sammy plunging head-to-backside into "dorky dad-dom"!

Hilarious! More posts like this please!

Melissa said...

I bet Lil Sammy stepped up and schooled DaddyDork after that display of goofiness!

I can picture that, too...

sammy said...

okay okay, first of all easy on all the 'dorky' references! my kids laughing at me was damaging enough! :p

now that i got that off my chest, if you must know how it went down, i went head first into catapult mode. while air born, i started to slightly turn in the air which explains the grass burn on my back.

also you two, i guess i should also mention that there is a quasi pool area at the end of the yellow slide part. it inflates and served as a ramp that lead me to the grass...back first that is!

Geoffrey said...

Oh, Sammy. :lol: This cracks me up. Too bad you weren't rolling tape---you could be a YouTube hero! ;)

Melissa said...

Yeah, who needs dice when you could get $10K on AFV...

And don't worry about being a Dork, you got nothin on my underdoggie story...

sammy said...

geoff- yeah there are TONS of times i could 'make it big' on youtube if i had the camera rolling! especially if i had the camera on lil sammy!..hmm maybe i could go at it again!

melissa-underdoggie? do i already know this story but dont remember? maybe you should coughstartablizzlecough ; )

Melissa said...

I don't know if I have shared the underdoggie story. I was at school, being a sophisticated teacher, when one of my students who can totally swing independently asked for a push. To encourage his independence and banking on his apprehension and fear, I said I would only give him an underdoggie. He lit up and agreed. So, I push, push, pushed and then grabbed on and ran under. Well, somehow, I lost the swing, he was in the air above me with feet flailing. I panicked. I was scrambling to get out when both of my feet caught the lip of the divot kids make in the woodchips under swings. I flew Superman style through the air and skidded across the woodchips. And came to rest at the feet of a group of 6th graders. Who looked down on me with disdain.

I had woodchips in my shirt, shoes, pants. You name it. And I still have a scar. On my arm, not my pride, Thank you.

sammy said...

wow, that is the first ive heard of that great story!

if im in the woodchip area for more than 10 mins i end up with alot of the crap in my socks and shoes. so i can only imagine all that you had to pick out after making 'woodchip snow angels'!

Melissa said...

Yeah, snow angels face down aren't so fun. In woodchips--they're even worse!

As I jumped up, I thought to myself, "Ahh, so this is why I haven't ever seen a teacher do this before!"

Sheliza said...

oh gosh, you are sounding like my crazy hubby! LOL! Yes, perhaps a longer slip'n'slide might help! You have a nice family.

Dawn said...

I would've given ANYTHING to see this...

Thanks for coming to dinner with the fam last night. It's always an adventure...

PG said...

as a dad to four, I can say with much confidence, that you were simply taking one for the team. Those 10 minutes the kids laughed are priceless!

Kavan said...

I didn't even know they still MADE Slip 'n Slides! That's fantastic!

I'm thinking you need to build two together... or three... or four... or, well, you get the picture. I guarantee you'd have the most kick @$$ SnS on the block (probably on the whole damn planet) and be the envy of tiny tots everywhere.

About Me

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texas, United States
im married to one succulent momma and we have 3 supremo kids. i like corn dogs, star wars, toothbrushes with the grip and there isnt really much more to say of interest about me. well other than the fact that i can moonwalk and count to 10 by 5's.

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