further and further

i recently had a conversation w/ a friend i hadnt talked to in some time. when i say 'talked to' i should probably preface that by saying we differ on many levels concerning spirituality or religion. so when i say we hadnt talked in a while, its more on this subject, because we had spoken before but not on this level. as you probably already correctly assume, this conversation followed suit of our previous disagreements. although i must say that this convo had a different feel to it. ive had many similar talks before with others and disagreements have obviously come up, but this one left me feeling upset, which was new, and to be quite frank, it helped continue my path to leaving christianity by the wayside. i should also say here that i dont mean leaving God, just christendom. i do see them as separate entities at times and i guess is why i feel like tossing it in the rubbish bin. or maybe the recycle container would be more appropriate and something better would surface. ive only spoke to a few people about the matter and the issue thus far has been solely doctrinal. meaning i disagree with certain aspects one seemingly has to fall in line with to be included in christendom. these issues range from the literalism of the creation story or job,  to name two, to whether people are actually born gay, all the way to if christians are the only ones granted entrance to heaven. also, i should say that complete and utter disagreement hasnt arrived, but it is visible and seems to be quickly approaching. 

anyway, i received an awkward message from him that he heard from 'someone' that leslie and i were into some 'sensual practices'?? whatever the hell that means. so after i racked my brain for the rest of the day trying to figure out just what the hell this unsettling message was about, i finally spoke to him the following day. he then proceeded to tell me that he 'got the story wrong'. how thats possible is beyond me. if someone were to tell me some so called 'disturbing news', as he put it, about a friend,  i assure you i would get the whole story before i went to him/her. at any rate, he told me that it wasnt necessarily about me, but that my wife had some 'soft core pornography' pics on the internet. okay so my wife does model and i guess he disagrees with christians modeling in a sexy manner, but soft core porn?? a bit extreme in my mind, but in his mind, christians should not pose in victoria's secret ads or the lingerie section of jc penny i suppose. his reasoning went something like this, because i wouldnt want leslie walking around the house in lingerie if we had company over, the same goes with posing in a pic. if its wrong in one context, its wrong in all contexts. i cannot even begin to say how limited a view of the world this is. my response was that i also wouldnt answer the door or walk around in swimming trunks with no shirt at my house either but thats because im not at cabo or south beach...im at my house. so as the context changes, so does my attire. its not because its wrong or sinful to wear a two-piece (gasp! a two-piece?? another issue all together i guess), but from what i can tell, the context plays a major factor in whats deemed appropriate. 

well we went back and forth in our 'discussion'. i quoted discussion because situations as these arent true dyads. typically one person isnt really looking to change their views or even gather info on the other viewpoint. being or remaining right in their mind is the true focus. allegiance to the search for truth is an afterthought because they already possess the all encompassing truth. [notice i didnt say who the person is ; )]before we even spoke, there were a million things i thought of. not that i even found the accusation remotely feasible or possible, but that this fellow is ultra conservative. he's a good guy but just maintains a traditional right wing view of things. i mean when someone tells me that spongebob is gay, there's no telling the angles he could approach me with. so as it stands, it was his foundation that had me backtracking to see where i could have went wrong in his sight and the possibilities seemed endless. conservatism in itself is fine i suppose. but as with anything, when one's viewpoint is seen as the 'right' or only one for that matter, and is spoken of so matter of factly, people tend to withdraw from the arrogance. earlier i said when i have discussions about my somewhat retraction from christianism they are soley based on doctrinal differences. another aid in this withdrawal that appears to be emerging is sort of surprising to me. there are numerous things about the church/christians i find awfully disheartening. i would have to say that its not necessarily the people themselves, but the arrogant attitude thats either on display or needs to be unearthed. when opposing views clash in a peppering of questions, and someone says 'they'll pray you', its usually done in a condescending or patronizing manner. what they really mean is that they hope you come around to their point of view, the right one. i am simply a voracious questioner and apparently questioning or doubting is not allowed, among other things, in the faith. although many would and do say questioning is infact permitted. but it seems what your questioning determines whether your inquiries are valid.

i do apologize in advance for the rushed and clumsy presentation in this blog and im sure there several things wrong with my sentence structure. i didnt really have the time to go back through it and correct a million things, plus i wasnt expecting this to be 100 pages long! anyhow, hopefully this makes some sense. to sum the previous 99 pages, i basically feel that christianity, at times, obstructs God more than it points to Him.