Wednesday, June 16, 2010

ADD

lets go!


now ive said before, countless times actually, in real life and blog city, that im terrible at math. now thats not to say that i cant add and subtract and all that simple kind of stuff. but i do in fact still hate it. i mean i hate it more than joan rivers must have hated not looking waxy.

especially in regards to school and that you have to be able to do it to graduate. i mean past adding and subtracting, its all pretty much null and void right?

i mean i dont remember the last time i used algebra, but i do remember the last time i added my change up when i paid with a 100 dollar bill. thats alot of change and you wanna make sure you get all your change right? i mean its not everyday you get to pay with a 100 dollar bill. the only reason i had one was because i finally won one of those scratch off lotto tickets from the gas station down the street.

i had tons of change because most of my winnings was spent on gas, candy and a few more tickets.

after i took my sack of goodies and correctly added change, i handed the bag to my wife so she could disperse of the treats to the wolves kids and what not. while rifling through the plastic sack desperately, she daintily looked up at me and said, "you didnt get me a blow pop?"

i demeaningly looked at her and said, "yes i did. i got one for everybody. cant you add?"

she confidently looked back in the sack and said, "oh. i see it now. besides. that wouldnt mean i couldnt add it would just mean i couldnt find my blow pop..." which is true i must say. i also gotta admit that, if i thought i wasnt getting a blow pop, i'd be dainty too. blow pops are that great. i mean its candy and gum. who doesnt love that?

well there is that whole bad for your teeth thing and all. i mean it is candy and gum? there hasnt been a more formidable tandem of mayhem since that vicious bobby brown and crack thing. but make no mistake, blow pops are awesome. and speaking of mayhem, you wanna know what isnt awesome?...good & plenty.

have you ever tried them? well if you havent, just trust what i tell you when i say its the worst 'candy' ever to sit and collect space and take up dust. ew. i think a more fitting name would be bad and scarce. i mean calling it good & plenty is more confusing than the lone ranger fiasco. if you think about it, the lone ranger has a partner? thats right. the lone ranger has a partner?? whats that all about? at first we're all like, 'hey check out this new badass. he's so badass he doesnt even need a partner. he's lone.'

but then we're like, 'hey what the hell? why does the lone ranger have a partner?'..(kisses teeth) lone ranger. more like the tandem ranger. talk about not being able to add. how is even possible to mess up that counting? its either one/lone or two/tandem. ranger. it cant be a mix of the two. i mean one??...wait. whatever?? what was i saying again? oh yeah, i hate math with a passion of the christ, but then again i am a bit ADD.

17 comments:

mintifresh said...

hahaha It's a post about adding AND ADD! That was awesome! hehehe

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Sorry, but the worst "candy" is Necco wafers. Eating chalk would be tastier.

Linda Medrano said...

I hate good and plenty too. One other thing, Sammy. How did Columbus discover America when there were all those Indians living here? Does that make one lick of sense to you? And the Lone Ranger had Tonto, but I guess he wasn't discovered just like those guys who Columbus ran into. Don't worry about math. It's not needed in normal life. And by God, we are normal!

Tiffany said...

i've never had a good and plenty. i feel like they might smell bad...or maybe i'm just making that up. in any case, they look disgusting...

Cheeseboy said...

Best ADD post ever.

I had to take the math class with all the football players to graduate from college.

JMH said...

Usually I just swallow my Good & Plenty with water. It's Good for you, and there's Plenty of them.

Mr. Stupid said...

This was a great post. I hated math too. All the algebra never seemed a necessity to me.

Small Town Girl said...

I've never heard of or seen a good & plenty. I don't know what that is, which means I'm going to have to seek it out. Thanks. I'm destined for yuckiness. Oh screw that...I just googled it and it's licorice. Bleh!

Brittney said...

math sucks donkey balls! I mean im in college taking numerous math courses that have to do with x's and y's and lines and z scores and wtf for? Im an adult now they cant trick me by saying i Will need it later in life because now I know for sure they are just bullshittin... hell i dont righteously even have to know how to add or subtract..ahh the joys of having a highly functional calculator.

Alix said...

Wolves! LOLOLOLOLOLOL.... I almost didn't get to the missing blowpop/can't you add comment. Which by the way, made me have to squeeze my legs together so I didn't pee in bed.

Now I'm off to read the rest of your post.

Sammy - Imma just come out and say it... I adore you. You are crazy funny. How do they put up with you?

PS: I hate math too. We're made for each other.

Bee said...

LOL. Great Post! Good & Plenty should be taken off the shelves. And damn it's been a minute since I had a blow-pop. That's going on the grocery list tonight.

bananas. said...

as i'm reading i'm thinking...wow he's mentioned adding, algebra, school, candy, his wife...all in like one paragraph. if that's not ADD, then i don't know what is. but here's the funny thing, i can totally follow along because i have it too!

yea we're both awesome. just sayin...

LiLu said...

Would you believe I HAVE A BLOWPOP IN MY PURSE?!?

And thank goodness, because this really made me want one!

Diana said...

I too hate Good & Plenty... but I am a fan of their red headed step brothers, Mike and Ike.

ɹǝƃƃolquǝʞoʇ said...

Uhuh, uhum. I like math. I didn't until I took it in college. Then I found it awesome.

Go figure...

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im married to one succulent momma and we have 3 supremo kids. i like corn dogs, star wars, toothbrushes with the grip and there isnt really much more to say of interest about me. well other than the fact that i can moonwalk and count to 10 by 5's.

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